Pop culture trends come and go, but unfortunately some take a lot longer going than others. And naturally, since we live in the age of memes and general jackassery, these trends tend to be on the, well, let’s just say the annoying side. These are the trends that want to make you build a small shack in the woods, or at least write snarky things about them anyway. They are nine pop culture trends that need to die.
Can we just stop with this already? Please? Every time some poor misguided girl does this she just ends up looking like she’s having a seizure, or she ends up setting herself on fire. It’s not good. You would think that Miley Cyrus and her dragon tongue twerking like a methed out stripper would have drove this one into the abyss, but sadly this is a thing that people still seem to like to do. I mean, I guess it makes sense if you’ve got the ass to pull it off, but let’s face it, most of the people out there doing this look like they were standing in the same line as Hank Hill the day God was handing out asses. A general rule: if the jiggle don’t work, you must not twerk.
8. Hipster Advertising
Don’t know what hipster advertising is? Just look at that craft beer in your hand and check out the label that has some sort of ironic nonsense phrase on it, or maybe a picture that looks like its mimicking old Soviet propaganda posters. You know what I’m talking about. It’s advertising that pretends to be “ironic,” appealing to the kitsch loving aesthetic of today’s hipster. The most irritating thing about it is that people pretend like it’s not actually just the same old advertising because of that irony. They think they’re in on the joke. But you still bought the damn thing, didn’t you? Look, we’re all guilty of this to some degree, but it’s getting out of hand. Pretty soon we’ll all be eating our cereal out of bowls shaped like Kim Kardashian’s butt because it’s “funny” and “ironic,” but that’s exactly how she’ll end up becoming a billionaire and then buying the UN. The very fate of the world is at stake here, people.
Look, Hollywood’s always going to cash in with remakes. It’s just too easy a way to make money. But the balance has tipped a little too far. I mean, we’ve got a new version of Robocop running around even though exactly 0% of people thought it was a good idea and they’re even cannibalizing old Demi Moore movies. I mean, where does it end? I was willing to remain silent, but then I saw that they’re going ahead with a remake of Point Break, and goddammit, Hollywood, enough is enough. Do what you will to Rob Lowe but you keep your damn, dirty hands off of Patrick Swayze.
6. Stupid Hats
This is a trend that I feel like is just getting started, but we need to kill this one before it even gets going. It’s just that dumb. Sadly, thanks to Pharrell’s efforts on the awards show circuit, it might be too late to stop this, but we still have to try. Otherwise, we’re going to be seeing grown men and women walking the streets in giant Mountie hats, and 90 pound models strutting around looking like Yosemite Sam. Stop this nonsense at once, America. Especially you, Pharrell. I mean, I get it, dancing with a naked Emily Ratajkowski probably caused you to lose your damn mind, but pull yourself together, man.
5. Live-Tweeting Everything
If you’ve ever been on Twitter during a major event, like the Oscars or the Super Bowl, or hell, anything that’s on TV really, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Seemingly every person in America takes it as an opportunity to tap into their inner Joan Rivers for three straight hours, firing off “witty” and “sassy” comments as fast as their fingers will type. It’s like a mass audition for one of those lame VH1 Remember the Decade shows. It’s a national epidemic. This is what happens when an entire generation grows up watching Jay Leno. It’s not good.
4. Mom Jeans
It’s one thing if you’re a mom. I mean, that’s where the name comes from. But as a fashion statement? No. Absolutely not. This has to stop. The sad thing is that it’s been going on for so long now that I’m not sure it ever will. It’s just a terrible look, though. It’s unflattering and it just makes you look like you’re on your way to drop the kids off at soccer practice and then gabbing with the gang over iced lattes before having to fight the urge to drive the ol’ SUV straight into the nearest lake. I’m talking to you, Taylor Swift. You too, Miley. Long butt is a tragic condition affecting suburbanites everywhere and frankly, glorifying it is just plain irresponsible. You’re role models, ladies.
3. #Hashtagging #Everything
#This #is #really #annoying, #isn’t #it? #It’s #especially #annoying #when #it #doesn’t #have #anything #to #do #with #Twitter. #Why #are #you #hashtagging #things #on #Facebook? #It #doesn’t #mean #anything. #And #it #would #be #nice #if #I #could #watch #TV #without #every #show #trying #to #get #me #to #tweet #using #a #hastag #for #their #stupid #storyline. #Please #stop. #Please?
2. Fake Outrage
Yes, I recognize it’s kind of ironic that I’m writing this in an article filled with faux outrage about stupid pop culture trends, but then again, maybe it’s entirely appropriate. That’s because no matter how stupid or trivial something is these days, there is someone out there ready to march on Washington because of it. It’s become an entire society of Lisa Simpsons, raging against evil Mr. Burns’, both real and imagined. Social media is essentially one giant lynch mob, ready to ostracize and bully and harass and ruin the lives of anyone who dares to offend their delicate sensibilities. The irony, of course, is that these professionally aggrieved zealots are just as bad or worse than the behavior that they decry. They caterwaul about bullying and then spend all day threatening people they disagree with. It’s asinine. I’d say more, but I’m already 80% sure that someone is getting ready to picket me or try to have me fired just for this, and 20% sure that it will happen for the mom jeans thing. After all, these things – just like everything else these days – are serious business.
1. The Kardashian Plague
I think I make this plea at least once a year, but as long as there is a breath in my body, I will fight this plague. Even as one fades out of the spotlight, or Khloe goes back to live with her real family in the forests of the Pacific Northwest, a new one emerges, posing for paparazzi all while Madame Kris Jenner sells them out, counts her money, and causes poor Bruce – the only one of them who ever had a real, legitimate talent – to mutilate himself some more until he finally looks like Mrs. Doubtfire. I mean, say what you will about the Biebers of the world, but at least they’re pretending to have a talent and a reason for existing in our pop culture circus. Look, you tolerate one giant assed sex-tape star who likes to get pissed on, and tomorrow you’re forced to accept her Wookie sister or her mother/pimp, or that poor old lady who looks like The Joker, or… you get the point. It just never ends.