Every guy starts off summer with glorious plans for the Best. Summer. Ever. But what usually happens instead is that those plans get put off until next week and then June turns into July, July turns into August and, well, here we are. And here you are still waiting to get that best summer ever going. And then the Best. Summer. Ever. turns into you day dreaming about your plans for the next summer while you sit in your cubicle trying not to flip over your desk in frustration like the Hulk. Well, we here at Guyism thought we’d help you avoid that sad fate and give you a little kick start with this, nine things every guy should do before the end of summer.
9 Spend a Day at the Beach
I know this one seems obvious, but you’d be surprised how many people say they’re going to get to the beach and then never do. The beach is a natural antidepressant. No matter what crazy bullshit you have going on in your life all of that drifts away the moment you set foot on the beach. I spend so much time at the beach during the summer that I’m surprised they don’t charge me rent. You’ve got sun, sand, a natural swimming pool, and you can play football with the boys, throw some burgers on the grill and horse around like you’re seven years old again, all surrounded by beautiful women in bikinis. Just make sure you don’t feed the seagulls or else you’ll find yourself in the middle of a Hitchcock movie. But other than that, you can’t beat the beach in summer. Oh, and did I mention there are beautiful women in bikinis everywhere?
8 Have a Boat Party
Okay fine, chances are you don’t have your very own boat, but I’m guessing you know someone who does. Convince him to take the boat out for the day with you and a few of your closest friends. There are tons of inlets and bayous and lagoons out there where like-minded boat partiers gather together and just hang out and get debauched. And since you’re already on a boat, everybody will already be half naked. Just make sure you add to the party atmosphere. You don’t want to be the creepy guy who shows up in a rowboat all by himself with a six pack of Schlitz and a pair of binoculars.
7 BBQ Something Unique
Anyone can throw some burgers or hot dogs on the grill. But summer is coming to an end and what better way to honor the summer gods than with a worthy sacrifice like the days of yore? But since you’re a 21st century man and not wandering in the Sinai desert after escaping from the Pharaoh you might want to skip the part where you slit a goat’s throat and instead just grill up some exotic meats. After all, the summer gods appreciate a finely BBQ’d swordfish and they especially appreciate it accompanied by some good beer and good company. So invite your friends over, declare yourselves the gods of summer and throw Shamu on the grill.
6 Go to a Ball Game
A summer baseball game isn’t about the actual baseball. It’s about chilling in a beautiful park with some of your best friends and throwing down beers like it’s your job. Eat some overpriced hot dogs and heckle some millionaires. Get so drunk that people with small children begin to give you dirty looks. Make a horse’s ass out of yourself tackling one of those small children in a battle royale for a foul ball. It’s an American summer rite of passage. Just don’t bring a baseball mitt with you because you’ll look like a huge dork and people will laugh at you. You’re better than that.
5 Go Camping With Your Friends
Take a weekend and pitch a tent with some friends. Pack a shitload of alcohol, roll out to the middle of nowhere and cut loose. You don’t have to worry about driving home or about someone breaking something valuable. Instead, you just have to worry about bears rifling through your stuff after you pass out and let’s face it, your asshole friends will probably do that anyway. And at least the bear won’t draw dicks on your face in permanent marker. Just make sure you go with a mixed group with a decent male/female ratio because there’s nothing sadder than a group of guys sitting around in the dark around a half-assed fire getting drunk and wondering who’s gonna be the one who broaches the idea of a circle jerk. You’re not in the Boy Scouts anymore.
4 Rent a House or a Cabin for the Weekend
If camping is too rustic for your high rolling ways, grab some friends and rent a beach house for a weekend, or a nice cabin in the mountains. Yeah, yeah, I know this is basically how every other horror movie starts out but as long as you don’t open any strange books or interact with the locals more than you have to, you’ll be fine. It’s like having all the benefits of partying in your own place – you set the tone, you don’t have to worry about leaving and you’re guaranteed a bed of your own to sleep in at the end of the night – without the drawback of having to worry about all your stuff getting ruined. Bonus summer life hack because we care: if something does get broken, just do a half-assed job fixing it and when the next group comes through and breaks it all over again, they’ll just think it was their fault.
3 Go to a Festival
Summer festivals are always a good place to have some fun before the dull gloom of the rest of the year invades. Just make sure you do some advanced scouting beforehand so you don’t end up camped out right next to the port-a-johns or paying nineteen dollars for a bottle of water. Preparation is key. If you can’t find a decent festival before summer draws to a close, grab a lady friend and hit up a State Fair. Sure, they’re corny as hell and there is always the faint aroma of cow and pig shit hanging around but you can play the big shot and win some carnival prizes before she loses all respect for you when you vomit after eating six corndogs and riding on the Gravitron.
2 Throw a Block Party
Sure, you could just throw an ordinary house party, but this is summer and you don’t want to be crammed indoors with all your sweaty friends. Instead, get your neighbors together – assuming they’re cool of course, you don’t want to get the cops called on you by that 70 year-old who keeps accusing you of stealing his newspaper – and organize a block party. That way, everyone can chill outside, enjoy a perfect summer night without worrying about being too loud and live the good life. And when it’s all over, you and your neighbors will be tighter than ever. What can we say? We’re all about community development here.
1 Take a Day Trip
Find a friend with a convertible – or rent one – and just hit the road for a day. Don’t have a destination in mind. Just get in the car and drive. Hit up some small touristy beach towns or check out some ridiculous roadside attractions. You’re not going to find anything life changing, but you’ll have some laughs, listen to some good music with your friends, and just bask in the sun and the wind in your hair as you hurtle on into a summer horizon in which anything is possible and tomorrow – and all its responsibilities – feels like it’s a million miles away.