St. Patrick's Day, the church festival holiday that originally was associated with the color blue (for serious) and created for a proponent of Irish Christianity spawns many celebrations around the world each year. Copious amounts of booze, the color green and revelry come together into one blurry, sudsy cacophony of awesomeness on this one special day. Still, there are some people that always seem to be doing their best to ruin the holiday for everyone else. Who are your least favorite St. Patrick's Day jerks that come out of the wood works each year to crap on the sanctity of your booze-soaked good time?
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If you color your beer green, that's fine. But if you color it green in hopes that no one will notice it was watered down, then sir, you deserve to be beaten with a four-leaf clover emblazoned shillelagh.
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Corned beef and cabbage can be pretty good eats, but for some reason when you put them together they just don't work. This may be due to the fact that most corned beef and cabbage dishes are only seasoned with heat.
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How dare you. Green is the color of environmental conservation, the color of green eggs and ham, the color of Empire laser beams in Star Wars and most importantly, the official color of St. Patrick's Day. How could you not wear at least one green article of clothing on this momentous occasion?
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Okay, we get it; like a sustainable vegan volunteer donation-based restaurant in Brooklyn with its own rooftop garden, you're going green. But when you leave the apartment looking like the Jolly Green Giant with a top hat, you're not only embarrassing everyone you're with, you're embarrassing yourself as well.
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We're all just trying to get eye-crossingly, pants-peeingly wasted, people. Handle your drunken combat and sad sack self-pity B.S. on a different holiday. Might I suggest Thanksgiving or Christmas, like a normal person?
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All of a sudden everyone is a Dropkick Murphy's fan, speaking in Bono's accent, doing a jig like a fucking leprechaun and even finding Sinead O'Connor oddly attractive. C'mon people, I don't see you getting hard for mariachi bands on Cinco de Mayo.
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I don’t care if your grandma is Irish, you went to Ireland for a whole summer and you're a Guinness enthusiast; if you were born in America and you're an American citizen, then you're not Irish. You can't change nationalities just because it's a holiday. Sorry, but them’s the rules.
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