I’m a big fan of a good joke. Nothing brightens my day better than a hilarious string of words that may or may not make total sense but still manage to tickle my funny bone. Even when a joke goes too far. Yes, calling the fat kid named Nick from your accounting class Thick Nick to his face is hilarious. Should that joke go on for all 4 years of college? Probably not, but goddammit if I’ll be the first to admit that the joke gets funnier every time.
Which brings me to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. For the uninitiated, this religious organization is built on the foundations of Pastafarian, which the belief that the universe was created by the invisible and all-powerful Flying Spaghetti Monster after a night of heavy drinking and that pirates are absolutely divine beings. (Also, they think that Heaven is full of strippers and has a beer volcano and that Hell is full strippers with STD’s and that the beer volcano is full of stale beer.) Since it’s safe to say that the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is becoming one of the most taken too far jokes of all time. So of course I love it.
The Church kind got a bit more out of control this past week when they held their first official wedding ceremony between two pastafarians named Toby Ricketts and Marianna Young on a chartered ship (that was decorated like a pirate ship) off the coast of New Zealand. The wedding was, obviously, pirate themed. The couple exchanged their ‘terms of engagement’ instead of wedding vows and talked like pirates the entire time. Young spoke to a New Zealand radio station about the ceremony:
“I wouldn’t have got married any other way. A conventional marriage just didn’t appeal.”
Of course it didn’t. Why? Because regularly weddings are boring as shit. Fancy dresses? Tuxedos? Church music? Not talking like a pirate? Talk about a fucking snoozefest. Give me a pirate themed wedding any day of the year over a regular one.
The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster has made great strides in New Zealand to be accepted as a legitimate religion. So keep your eyes on your screen, bros, because you know I’ll be the one to break the story about the first ever Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster funeral.