If you own a cable box, it’s no secret that Comcast dwells in the basement of customer satisfaction. But to their credit, they are spending $300 million to suck less, namely by paying you $20 every time a technician is late for an appointment. They will be bankrupt by 2020. But they are usually late for everything so I’ll bump that back to 2021. Although I think it takes a shred of integrity to take the Domino’s Pizza approach and admit that you suck and you’re trying to make things better, I can’t imagine a world where Comcast isn’t unbearably maddening. It’s kind of endearing at this point.
That’s why it was simply comical when Comcast tried to convince a couple to sign a non-disclosure agreement for a refund Comcast was responsible for to begin with.
Five years ago, John and Carol Lehman returned a cable box provided to them by Comcast. But because Comcast prefers to make your life as difficult as a cable company possibly can, they charged the Lehman’s for the entire five year period since they returned the box, totaling $600.
When they approached Comcast like “WTF?,” Comcast agreed it would refund the money if John and Carol signed a non-disclosure agreement. So basically, we’ll refund your money, but you can’t let this leak to BroBible so they can lambaste us in a blog post. Here’s a segment of the agreement provided by Ars Technica:
1. John Lehman. (“Releasor”) in consideration of the sum of Six Hundred dollars ($600.00), receipt of which is hereby acknowledged for myself, my successors and assigns, of my own free will, voluntarily release and forever discharge COMCAST CABLE COMMUNICATIONS, L.L.C., its subsidiaries, affiliates, their respective parents, officers, employees, agents, successors and assigns, both individually and in their official capacities with Comcast (collectively “Comcast”), of and from any and all actions or causes of actions, suits, claims, charges, complaints, contracts, agreements, promises, attorneys’ fees and costs, whatsoever, in law or equity, which I, my heirs, executors, administrators, successors and assigns, may now have or hereafter can, shall or may have for, upon, or by any reason of any matter, cause or thing whatsoever arising out of: Dispute for equipment charges from 2009-2015.
Comcast later apologized for trying to cover up its shortcomings and admitted that these agreements are not intended for when the customer is wrongly charged. Because when it comes to Comcast, it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission.
“We have apologized to our customers, and these issues have since been resolved to their satisfaction,” Comcast said in a press release.
Poor fucking Comcast. Zero self-awareness. It really makes you wonder what kind of people are making the decisions over there.