For the last two years I’ve been using a Motorola Droid-thing with a sliding keyboard as a phone, and by “phone” I mean “chunky brick that crashes constantly and makes me borderline bipolar.” It got to the point where it took at least 30 seconds to load text messages despite the fact that the only apps I had on the phone were Gmail, Facebook and Twitter. Not exactly a lot goin’ on there.
So it was with a level of enthusiasm that rivals what you’d imagine a small child with an explosively full bladder would feel when standing in line to sit on Santa’s lap for the first time that I finally got an iPhone this past August. Did I get a super fancy one with all the tricky add-ons and fingerprint ID?
Fuck no, I’m cheap. I got a 5c, and I love this stupid fucker to death. I don’t care if my phone is brand-spankin’ new; I just care that it works.
Alas, not everyone is as broke as woe little me, hence why people were lining up in droves to get the new iPhone 6 and/or iPhone 6 Plus. Yet to my mild gloat-filled delight people weren’t happy with their purchases. Why? Because we are a country full of first world problem whiners with less patience than…well, the same pee-filled child waiting to see Santa imagery works here too.
Case in point: Hairgate.
— POPSUGAR Tech (@POPSUGARTech) October 6, 2014
Going to the Apple Store to see how many hair the iPhone 6 is going to pull out of my body. #hairgate Rubbing all the demo phones on myself.
— N⭕️R (@nawDsign) October 4, 2014
iPhone6’s #hairgate could be a deal breaker for me if I had a beard. Or an iPhone6.
— Mahesh Shankar (@MaheshShankarS) October 6, 2014
//platform.twitter.com/widgets.jsThaaat’s right, now people are pissing themselves all over because their phones are pulling out their hair. Well guess what people, the seats on the NYC subway yank out my hair too, but you don’t see me crying all over Twitter about it. You know why? Because there are several ways to fix it:
1. Moving my hair
2. Not using the subway
3. Nutting the fuck up
The same can be said for iPhone 6 users, in which simple solutions would be to, y’know, GET A DIFFERENT PHONE, or God forbid use a cellphone that isn’t an Apple product. Ever heard of Samsung? They make great shit too. The world won’t end if the phone in your hadn’t doesn’t have some sort of fruit drawn on its back. And if you’re sitting there thinking “But Rebecca, it’s NEW and I need new THINGS or else I’LL DIEEEE”…
My thoughts exactly. Patience is a virtue, people.
[Header image via Shutterstock]