ATTN: MAYONNAISE HATERS, How Much Would I Have To Pay You To Eat This Sickening Sandwich This Dude Got From KFC?



Mayonnaise is by far and away the most polarizing product in the condiment game. Mayo is The Big Bang Theory of condiments. Personally, I don’t dislike mayonnaise, I loathe it. Actually, it transcends loathing, it’s a full-on phobia. An irrational fear. And no, it has nothing to do with that incident with my uncle as a kid. That was consensual. I don’t care if it’s thinly spread or presented as ‘aoili’, which is just mayo with skinny jeans. Calling it aoili and trying to make me forget its not mayonnaise is like calling Jerry Sandusky a good defensive schemer and trying to make me forget about him, well, doing that stuff. I’ve met very few people in my life who are as scared of mayo as Dan Bilzerian is of an STD test, but I know there are people like me out there. And to those people, I’d like to give a fair warning, that the KFC sandwich this dude was presented with is the most disgusting meal to hit the internet since Two Girls, One Cup.

Please read the caption, because it’s gold.

Ay yo KFC what the fuck is this. My burger looks like a fucking bukkake video. I said “replace the spicy sauce with mayo” not “use all of the Mayo you’ve fucking got”
Who thought this was okay? Like which roasted toasted cooked ass cunt looked at this and said “yep, this is the best burger I’ve made to date” and then king hit the fucker with mayo.
WHERE TF IS THE CHICKEN 🤔 I wanna look at my KFC the way I look at my favourite pornstar. Not a star who lost her looks 20 years ago and her dignity when she was 12.
I unwrapped this burger with the enthusiasm of a 12 year old who’s gonna see real life titties the first time. But then I got fuckin hit with the look of going down on a 40 year old who wears leather pants to get her youth back.

I wouldn’t be opposed to that KFC employee getting the electric chair. Ride the lightning, dick.

P.S. Throwback Wednesday to the time I got blacked out in New Orleans and my friends convinced me that this mayo sandwich was a ham and Swiss. I was so drunk I couldn’t even finish my “You Up?” text. Sad.

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broken dreams.

A post shared by Matt Keohan (@kingkeohan) on

[h/t My Boy SaysRizzy]

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