Darwin Award Winner Googles ‘How To Kill Someone And Get Away With It’ Before Attempted Murder, Doesn’t Get Away With It
Buckle up fellas, you may lose a few hundred brain cells while reading this. I take full responsibility.
25-year-old David Russell from the UK met 19-year-old Maricar Benedicto online in 2009 through their shared love of heavy metal. Seems legit.
The two began an online relationship, in which Russell called himself Ollie Sykes, the name of the frontman of band Bring Me The Horizon, while Miss Benedicto called herself Ruby Townsend, Sykes’s girlfriend at the time. Normal.
According to Mirror, the online relationship grew to the point where Maricar agreed to fly to the UK to meet Russell. That’s it dude, make her come to you. I’m with you.
I don’t know what Maricar expected of the trip, but I’d imagine she didn’t expect Russell to try to murder her. Just a hunch.
But that was exactly what Russell, a McDonald’s worker, had on the itinerary. Murder.
There was just one problem: the mental midget didn’t have a clue how to go about ending someone’s life. So, he did what any murderer who wants to leave a trail more distinct that the skid marks in my undies after a Big Mac would do: Googled that shit.
According to court documents, Russell googled the below phrases. This is not a joke.
- hand-to-hand contact
- ways to kill someone with your bare hands
- how to kill someone and get away with it
- best knife to kill someone
- how to knock someone unconscious
Russell lured Maricar into the woods by telling her he had a present for her. He told her to put her head back and hold out her palms.
He then took out a BUTTER KNIFE and slit her throat. Good choice, dude. Other acceptable weapons include, by aren’t limited to, literally anything else.
Maricar pulled back, only somewhat injured. He then realized his master plan didn’t work and yelled ‘Why didn’t you die! You ruined my life forever.’ Again, not joking. This was all presented in a court of law.
Maricar then ran to a nearby house for help. Authorities later found Russell passed out of a drug overdose at his house.
Russell was found guilty of attempted murder yesterday and will be sentenced in November.
You dumber, bro? Samesies.