A Manatee Sex Party Caused A Traffic Jam In Florida Because Everyone Was Trying To Watch

There are certain amazing stories that piss me off rather than make me want to keep reading. They mostly piss me off because I wasn’t there to witness it. I get all jealous and when I get jealous, I get all sweaty and angry. And not like “Fuck that guy” angry. More like “I can’t wait until that guy separates from his group of friends so I can immobilize him by breaking both of his legs and then eat his face” angry. And I am pissed off that I missed out on this manatee sex party that people in Florida got a peek of.

Via Palm Beach Post:

WFTS reports that dozens of people exited their cars to view the “manatee mating ball,” which is when at least seven male manatees are competing for the attention of a single female with the end goal being to push her into shallow water in order to mate. The act is a rare sight with WFTS adding that it only can be seen every three to five years.

“The easiest way to identify a mating herd is when there are groups, a large number of manatees that look to be frolicking with each other in shallow waters, generally climbing on top of each other,” Kane Rigney, a manatee biologist with the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission, said in a video from May. “There will be up to 20 to 25 manatees in some circumstances with a single focal female, and there will be a lot of splashing, a lot of physical interaction with the manatees, kind of like a big bait-ball of fish, but you’ll see the manatees up on shore, rolling on top of each other and climbing.”

Rigney added that manatee mating season begins as early as March, but can take place through the summer and into October and November.

“We generally ask the public to stay away from mating herds — we like to allow that natural process to take place,” he said in the video. “Any interruption to that process can be considered harassment — but not only for manatee safety, but also for human safety. A lot of these manatees that you will see are thousand-pound animals and at any time, those animals can change their behavior and roll onto a human causing very serious injury.””

Goddammit. There’s a whole group of people driving around Florida watching manatees go down on each other and I only get to watch some YouTube footage some dude stole from ABC News. Imagine how dope you’d look if you could talk about this during ice breakers at some sort of orientation event? “Hi, I’m John and I’m from Florida. A fun fact about me is that I once saw eight manatees having an orgy.” “Hi John, we’re the hot twins who live above you. Why don’t you come over tonight and show us what it looked like.” I’m just a guy trying to be a manatee voyeur so women will invite me into their bedroom. But I’m just limited to blogging about it like a loser.