If New York City and Lady Liberty are shining beacons of everything we love about the Free World and Capitalism then Walmart‘s sort of like that flickering fluorescent light that’s been on since the 1970s in the basement of your local Chamber of Commerce. The economy would crash without Walmart, we know this. Walmart is the greatest place on earth to do like 50% of your shopping, because for less than the cost of a night at a NYC steakhouse you can get a shotgun, some fishing gear, pedialyte for when you’re hungover, and enough KY jelly to last you until the year 2100.
Everyone of you knows ‘People of Walmart’, the blog that became famous for sharing photos of outrageously dressed customers shopping at Walmart. The customers in those pics seem to think Walmart’s their home and they can dress however the shit they want. This is not a collection of those photos, this is a collection of stories collated by myself from AskReddit in which the workers of Walmart (or friends or workers) share the most fucked up/nsfw things they’ve ever seen happen in the stores. So let’s get to reading!
I don’t work there, but I have a friend who hasn’t been in a Wal-Mart in 15 years. He flat out refuses to go in for any reason. He’s a pretty down to earth guy (not the type who thinks he’s better than anyone else), but he avoids Wal-Mart specifically because of the people who shop there (his reasons usually center around crying babies, overweight aisle cloggers, and the few weird old men who sit by the entrance/exit gawking at the college girls).
One day my friend and I were looking for a certain product before leaving town on a trip. We had been to a few stores around town, and I kept telling him, “I know product x is at Wal-Mart, we should just go there”. Finally he agrees to visiting big box land, but he will go in the Home Depot next door to look for the product while I go in Wal-Mart.
As soon as I step inside the door, I see a massive woman on a motorized shopping cart with her massive 12 year old son standing on the back of it. She is screaming at him saying, “Now you get offa there boy!” or something like that. His retort: “Fuck you mama, you ain’t even handicapped!”
I got the product we needed that day, but now I do my best to avoid Wal-Mart.
Saw an old man take a dump on the floor of the bread aisle once.
I don’t work at Walmart; but when I was half way across the country visiting some friends the Walmart in their town had a meth lab bust in the men’s restroom.
This was back in the late ’90s. I was working at Wal-Mart as my first job as a teenager. I was floated to the garden department one day and there was a guy looking at lawn fertilizer. I walked over and asked if he needs help, he said “Not now, just looking at the different kinds you have.” Pretty standard reply from the guy, so I said “Okay, let me know.” I walk away, and then swing back about 5 minutes later. Same guy has proceeded to rip open about 10 different kinds of the fertilizer all over the ground and is rolling around in the stuff. He is also taste sampling the stuff. I called my manger because I did not want to deal with it. Security escorted the guy out the store and called an ambulance in case the ingestion of the fertilizer hurt him.
I worked at a Wal-Mart for about 2 months. The weirdest thing I saw was an obese lady on a scooter run over a fat child in the candy aisle and then threaten him because he almost tipped her. Security was called and she demanded to receive her items for free. Eventually we just let her take the stuff because it was only like 5 dollars worth of skittles.
I’m a paramedic and I’ve had to respond to wallmart several times. 1. Recently I had a17 year old girl O.D. on heroin in the parking lot while putting her merchandise in th e trunk of her car. The people that saw her go down said she swayed back and forth then went unconscious. When we found her she was still standing but was bent at the waist with her head in the trunk like an ostrich hiding in the sand. Gave her narcan and saved her.
(1) There is a rabid pack of homless people that will infiltrate the wallmart. One will cause a ruckus to attract security while the rest chug mouthwash and robotussin. One day they did this and I responded to a chick that drank a liter of Listerine and two bottles of tussin, while they were kicking them out she had a seizure.
(2) Same pack of rapid homless. One day I responded to an car accident in the parking lot after one of the snorted pcp or bath salts and was chasing cars. Some random woman was pulling out when this crazed guy ran at her vehicle and bounced off her window face first. He got back up covered in blood from his broken nose and tried to gain access to her car. She hit the gas and smashed another car. High hobo ran away and another crew eventually ended uo having to chemically sedate him after he got into a fight with the police when the tazers failed to work.
(3) Had a 300lbs land whale “fall” and hurt her back in the check out line. While we were attending to her her boyfriend tried to walk out the store with two carts full of merchandise. Not a smart move when security AND the cops are attending to your woman. And she has the car keys.
I worked at Walmart last year as a cashier, and a woman came up to my register with nothing but a pineapple, and a damaged one at that. it was 10pm on a Tuesday, so it was a slow night, and she demanded I give her this pineapple for 25 cents because it was damaged. I didn’t see any damage, so I asked he to show me the damage. She promptly ripped the top greens off the pineapple, and said “See it now?” I called my manager over and he said he can’t sell it to her for a discount, and he’s sorry, but she can get another one. She cursed, threw the pineapple at me, and walked out mumbling about needing a cigarette. She was a prime example of trailer trash, but damn she threw that pineapple hard.
Mother’s Day 2013, I was CSMing and handling the day as best as could be expected on a Sunday holiday where the employee’s were mostly female mothers. We had 13 call outs and 5 no-call no-shows.
I had 5 poor women to handle the whole Sunday. Lines were long, I knew it, I didn’t have anyone in the store coming to help, management couldn’t spare anyone. They understaffed on purpose.
So I hear a call over the radio that someone has busted an aerosol can and they needed the one maintenance associate on shift to deal with it. Apparently some jerk teenagers thought it would be funny to “pop” about 5 air freshener spray cans and let them spin and spit eye stinging chemicals.
I’m getting yelled at by a blue-haired old woman about the lines when I get the call that made me regret waking up that day and coming to work. “nmeofst8 see that kid in the orange shoes to your left? Stop him” okay, why? “He messed himself and is tracking feces all over. I’m trying to find his mother on the cameras right now”
Oh great… Now I have a feces covered 5 year old to look after on top of everything…
“Find mom yet?” Yep, she was in the parking lot shooting heroin.
Cops came… I had to mop up feces. Mom went to jail for posession with intent, neglect, and other felonious activities. Kid got cleaned up. I bought him new underwear and pants and socks and I hosed off his shoes. He went with a social worker.
I wanted to quit after that day.
So, a couple years ago I was in between jobs. I needed loot to pay the bills, so I figured that I’d take a job at Wal-Mart until something better came along. I ended up working in the Lawn and Garden section, which is actually fun when you get to play with plants all day long. However, I wasn’t aware that Lawn and Garden also does all of the “holiday” set up and placing said product on the floor.
Fast forward to a week before the public school systems were in session. I had a cart full of notebook paper, pencils, trapper keepers, etc that I was trying to put on the shelves when a sound ripped through my ear drums that was similar to ones that are typically only heard on the Discovery Channel. Several decibals too loud, the best I can describe it is cats being lit on fire by their tails and being chased by rabid wolves. I looked around to figure out just who in the hell was being murdered in the store when I saw him. There was a kid about 8 years old who looked as if he was desperately trying to become Jabba the Hut, and said kid was succeeding. Now, I have no problems with fat kids, I even typically even think that they’re pretty freaking cute. However, this kid was not, due mainly to the alligator tears that were rolling down his cheeks, the beet red color of his face, and the sounds coming from his throat hole. It took me a minute to figure out what the hell was going on in my aisle, until I realized that this kid was throwing a fit because his parents wouldnt buy him three different trapper-keepers, one of which was Hello Kitty. Normally, I’d just shrug and say, “typical Saturday in Wal-Mart” but oh no! This little bastard realized that his dad wasn’t paying attention to him, and was instead focused on the others kids that im only assuming share some form of genetic makeup with this whiny beast of burden. This pisses the kid off even more, since he howls with rage, and (heres where it gets insane) KICKS HIS WHAT LOOKED LIKE 8 MONTHS PREGNANT MOTHER IN THE STOMACH!!!
To her credit, this lady didn’t whomp this spoiled little monsters ass right in the aisle. No, she instead collasped on the damn floor, and had to be taken away by paramedics. And that little bastard took that as a sign that he could have ALL the trapper keepers he originally wanted. I watched this whole thing go down, and as the dad watched his wife get loaded into an ambulance, not one iota of “you’re gonna get it later” came from him. Instead, the shit stain that kicked his mom started crying about being hungry and wanting chicken nuggets, which the dad then took him to get.
This is why I hate people.
TL;DR: if you cant raise your children right, lock them in the basement instead of bringing them to Wal-Mart.
It’s amazing how many people bring their non-service animals into the store. I don’t have a problem with dogs and such, but when I see the small dog you are carrying scratch and dander falls onto the vegetables you are looking over, we got a problem.
Unrelated Wal Mart story here. I own a business in front of a Supercenter. This morning I came in and noticed my dumpster was stuffed full with Wal Mart’s garbage. I reviewed my HD cameras and saw their contracted parking lot sweepers throwing over 20 bags of garbage away at 5:15 this morning. I got in that goddamn dumpster, pulled all those bags out, and filled 6 Wal Mart carts up. I rolled them right in front of the store. I went back to my office, called the manager and told him that the next time I would call the cops for illegal dumping. Being in front of a Wal Mart sucks sometimes- there’s a huge dumped cat colony and the place is a bum magnet. Thanks for reading, just had to get that off my chest.
I worked at Wal-Mart in the toy department 10 years ago right out of high school for extra money. The amount of parents who would “drop their children off” in the toy department like I was a baby sitter was out of this world. By the time they had left it would be a disaster area, on more than one occasion I would see them running down an aisle with their arms outstretched just knocking shit on the floor. When the parents would come back there was no “Hey let’s pick all this up”, they’d just leave.
I only lasted a few months. I actually quit a week before Black Friday because we had an instance at our “morning meeting” where some of the veteran employees were telling us what to expect on Black Friday from customers. Examples include being spat on, pulled by the arms, knocked over, shoved, tripped, screamed at, hair pulled, threatened, etc. I went on break and didn’t come back. Not worth minimum wage.
And last, but CERTAINLY NOT LEAST…
My friend posted about his experiences working at walmart on his facebook:
The following is a compilation of stupid questions I received during my employment at Walmart. Be warned, this list may destroy your faith in humanity.
1) “How Can I Steal My Neighbor’s Internet?”
2) “Why are these Tv’s So Small?” “….Sir, Those are Computer Monitors.”
3) “I want Wireless Internet, And I bought a router, and the damn thing didn’t work, what can I do?” ) “Well, do you have an Internet connection?” “….No, why would I need one? That’s what I’m buying the damn router for.”
4) “I’m trying to use my neighbors internet, but they have a password block on their connection, what can I do to get around it?”
5) “Do yall carry batteries for this phone?” “No sir” “Why not?” “That’s a camera.”
6) “How do you get the security devices off?” “If I told you, That would defeat the purpose of having Security Devices”.
7) While I’m putting Games In The Case, “Sir, do you work here?” “No Mam, I just stole a nametag, the keys, and decided to loot the case, don’t tell”
8) “Where are yalls STD memory cards?” I busted out laughing right in front of her.
9) Phone Call “Hi, I just bought an Xbox 360, and it’s not even coming on, I’ve pressed all the buttons, and changed the batteries in the controller, I don’t know what’s wrong” “Just to make sure, did you plug it up?” Silence And then she hung up the phone.
10) “Where are your Wireless adapters?” “They’re over here, do you have your own internet, or are you leeching off of someone elses?” “I want to use my neighbor’s, How do these work?” “You run the cd, and plug the adapter into your computer” “….I don’t have a computer”. I was literally speechless.
11) “What Verizon Prepaid cards do ya’ll have?” “We have a 20, 30, and a 50 Dollar Card” “How much does the 50 dollar one cost?” “….50 Dollars” “What about the 30?” “…..Really?”
12) “How much is this Tv?” “899 Dollars” “I’ll give you 500 for it” “Sir, I can’t Haggle with you” 14) “600?” “Sir, I’m not allowed to Haggle” “650?” “I can only sell it for 899” “..700, final offer”. I’m sad to say this happened recently.
13) “Do you carry Ipod Touches?” “Yes, We do, We have an 8gb for 195, and a 32gb for 295” “Which one is cheaper?”
14) “The computers have built in internet, right?” “..No”.
15) “Do ya’ll have Twilight Eclipse yet?” “Ma’m, That’s not even in theaters” “Yeah it is, I already saw the trailer on Entertainment Tonight”.
16) “Where do I buy minutes for my GPS?”.
17) “I bought a memory card for my phone, and it has my music on it, but I can’t listen to it on my phone” “I’m not sure sir, maybe it’s the wrong format?” “Wait…do you have to turn the phone on to listen to the music?” “Yes sir…” “Oh, My bad”.
18) “Where are the Avatar brand Tv’s yall had in the paper?” “I’m sorry, what?” “Here, it’s right in the ad, I want that Avatar TV, it looks like it’s popping out at me” “Ma’m, that’s an advertisement for the Movie Avatar, the TV is a Phillips” “No, I want the Avatar Tv”.
19) “Yo, my girl was sending me some pics, and my screen went out, and i got so mad that i cracked the screen. Can i exchange it?” “No sir, the crack voided the warranty” “Well i want a new picture phone, i havent seen my girls pussy in days” “Sorry?”
20) “Ey yo, My girlfriend came in, and you sold her the wrong memory card for her phone.” “Oh? Let me see the phone….Sir, could you show me where you’ve been putting the card?” “Yeah, Right here, it won’t fit, I’ve tried all day” “Sir, you’ve been trying to put the card in the Charger Slot….” “Oh forreal? I’mma give my girl a stinky for that one”.
21) “Hey bro, I wanna buy these weighted clothes here” “Ok” “Yeah, I figure if I wear these weighted training clothes, and get as fast with them on as I am usually, I’ll be as fast as the flash when I take them off” “Haha…I don’t think it works like that” Then to top it off, His Dad: “Yea…h, He’s the Brains of the family” we laughed, and he was like “No, I’m Serious”.
22) “I bought this damn phone card, and scratched it off with my knife, and there were no fucking numbers to activate it” “sir, your knife dug so deep, that it took the numbers off the card.” “fuck that, i want a manager.” The manager came, agreed with me, and was cussed out by the man, who was… subsequently banned from the store.
23) A guy bought a 42 inch Television. The man: “So, What does the extended warranty cover?” Me: “It covers any defects the TV might have, pretty much anything is covered, as long as you don’t Drop it or Punch it”. The Man: “Ha, That’s just common sense”. Later in the day, we recieved a returned TV, Same Size, Same Brand, from the same guy. A picture of that tv is attached to this note.
24) “hey, where are yall’s records at?” “Um, we don’t carry records, only cd’s” “You’re kidding! Since when?” “About 20 years ago.”
25) “Hey man, can I buy this verizon phone, no strings attached?” “Yeah, you can, but you’ll have to pay the full price” “How much is that?” “It’s 264 dollars, before tax” “Ok, can I pay it in Food Stamps?”
26) little kid: “hey, i want red dead redemption” Me: “sorry, you have to be 17 to buy this” kid: “ok, heres my mom” Me:”mam, this game contains intense violence, intense language, sex, gore and drug use, do you still want to get it for him?” Mother: “i dont see why not”
1a) A man comes to the register with a Pile of 5 dollar movies “Ok, your total is 36.50” “Umm…I only have 4 dollars..soo” “…”
2) “I don’t want this TV, the box is all taped up” “Uhh, Ma’m, Every TV box is taped up like that” “Why would they tape the box?” “To keep the TV box closed…” “Oh, well I’ve never seen that done” “Uh huh..”
29) “ey yo, i need you to activate my phone” “im sorry sir, we dont activate prepaid phones. There are step by step instructions how to activate it in the box” “wtf? You sell it but dont activate it? Thats like giving a baby a gun!” “sir, that was the worst comparison ive ever heard. Are you sa…ying we should teach babys to use firearms?”
1a) “hey, can you fix my phone? The background has a black line on it, and i didnt notice it until just now.” “Sir, i dont see a line. Wait…sir, theres a scratch on your sunglasses…” “….”
2a) “i was looking at your tv with the built in dvd players. Where do yall keep the dvd players? In the back?” “sir, they’re built in…”
3a) “If I choose the 1 hour photo option, how long will it be before I get my pictures back?” “…1 hour”
4a) “my camera wont turn on, and ive tried everything.” “have you tried different batteries?” “its not the damn batteries” “well im going to try new batteries in for good measure.” put batteries in, and the camera starts working. After being proved wrong, the man continued to argue that it wasnt the batteries.
5a) “Can you help me? I’m trying to find a James Otto CD, and I can’t find anything the way ya’ll have your cd’s organized” “Sir, it’s called alphabetical order”.
6a) “I want to price match this game with target, they have it for 49 dollars” “Ma’m, we can’t price match that if it’s not in the sales ad” “Well that’s bullsht! yall is walmart, its your policy.” Since I was tired of dealing with her, I price matched it. The game at our store was 39 dollars. I changed the price to 49 dollars as she wanted.
There are a shit ton more of these stories over on AskReddit which you can read in full by following that link! And if you think you can top any of these with the things you’ve witnessed in Walmart I want you to drop me a line down below in the comments and tell me your worst!