New Study Suggests Bacon May Help You Live Longer, And I Just Made Your Dinner Plans

I knew science would come around sooner or later. Science, you stubborn beast, you.

A new study headed by Michael Ristow, professor of energy metabolism, indicates that bacon contains niacin, also known as Vitamin B3, that lowers cholesterol and is used to lower the risk of heart attack and coronary disease.

One of niacin’s greatest assets is that it tricks the body into thinking it’s exercising. The fucking Houdini of vitamins, love it. So if you’re keeping score at home, that means that we can eat all the bacon we want in place of working out. You had me at, well, that’s basically what I was doing anyway.

The study subjects were roundworms (sounds close enough to human beings to me) and the diet caused them to live 10% longer than the controlled subjects. Whether niacin has similar effects in rats is the subject of Ristow’s current research. And we are more similar in metabolic pathways to rats, but I AIN’T no snitch.

I’ll keep you guys posted on the Ristow’s and team’s rat findings, but I think it’s safe to say that you can eat bacon until you become immobile. And I’m no doctor, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn last night. For the free bacon breakfast.

[H/T Nextshark]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.