If you woke up tomorrow morning and the internet ceased to exist for you and you alone, life would be a hell of a lot harder to navigate. Shit, I’d rather go without toilet paper when sitting on the can than I would access to my iPhone. The internet is so important to me that I’d rather spend the rest of the afternoon with swamp ass than miss one shitty take on Twitter. Pathetic.
In my defense, the internet is invaluable for me because its how I make a living, check up on my ex girlfriends, pay my bills, creep on my ex-girlfriends’ new boyfriends, and call people with differing political opinions than me ‘mindless assclowns.’ Not to mention, without the internet, I’d have to resort to whacking it to the bra and panties section in my mom’s Macy’s catalog like I did in junior high. And that’s not happening. Not because that section isn’t fire, but because the pages are all stuck together. Yikes Matt, TMI.
The folks over at AT&T recently surveyed over 2,000 people across the U.S. to see how just how far people would go to stay connected. Check out the full survey here, or take a look at the highlights I’ve compiled below.
One and three people would slice off a finger so as long as they could download the latest Brazzers video. Understandable.
It’s reassuring to know that when given the option to save a stranger’s life or the world wide webs, more than half of you dickheads would LET ME DIE!
You guys won’t save my life but 84% of you would give up the net to save your PRECIOUS little relationship that probably won’t last anyway. Check your priorities bruh.
This is the worst stat of all. Over one third of bros would give up their pooch to watch cat videos on YouTube.
I’m sure Buddy would just love that news.
It’s cool Buddy. All dogs go to heaven.