Guys. Guys. I think I’ve found my spirit animal.
So too does the new head of the Republican party in Travis County, Texas, which includes the state capital of Austin. His name is Robert Morrow, and he believes two things: 1. That the federal government is a malignant cabal of secret interests, including but not limited to assassinations, love children, cover-ups and lies; and 2. Tits are FUCKING GREAT.
I can’t argue with him on either point. Get a load of his Twitter feed. Look how it alternates between completely unhinged and boob-tastic.
Here he is on the Clintons and whether Hillary would swallow or cut your dick off. Asking the tough questions is Morrow.
Is George Bush gay, just asking?
Morrow was elected to run the county GOP this week, winning with 55% of the vote and defeating incumbent James Dickey. He attributes his victory to being listed first on the ballot. That’s all, he told the Washington Post:
“I was listed first on the ballot. See, when you have a primary ballot — people vote for president, Congress, state judge. When they get down to the precinct chair race, [they vote for who’s] first on the ballot. It happened to be me. I don’t need Karl Rove or David Axelrod.”
He also thinks Lyndon Johnson killed Kennedy.
My true expertise is Lyndon Johnson’s role in the murder of John Kennedy. I’ve got 400 books on that. That is what I know what to do very well. I’m a courageous truth-teller in a time when many are too cowardly to speak the truth.”
Enough about that nonsense. Let’s see some more tit tweets.
Sweet tits. Just as easily, he heads back to conspiracy theories.
Republicans are already plotting ways to get rid of him, mostly for offending sensibilities.
“We will explore every single option that exists, whether it be persuading him to resign, trying to force him to resign, constraining his power, removing his ability to spend money or resisting any attempt for him to access data or our social media account,” vice chair Matt Mackowiak told the Texas Tribune. “I’m treating this as a coup and as a hostile takeover.” Mackowiak added: “His social media account is something that no child should see. He is a total disaster.”
Doesn’t even matter to Morrow. His response? “Tell them they can go fuck themselves.” That’s actually what he said. He’s got bigger fish to fry, like the size of Bill Clinton’s cock.
And Hillary’s sexuality.
As party chair of the fifth largest county in Texas, Morrow’s responsibilities include “running elections and precinct conventions and working to elect Republicans at the local level.”
And calling Marco Rubio gay.
Like I said. He’s my spirit animal.