Baltimore Thieves Stole $500,000 Worth Of Hennessy This Morning

It’s safe to assume we’ve all been walking down the street with a group of friends at one time or another and passed by a local bar to see a trailer truck unloading mass quantities of alcohol to restock the establishment in question.

If your friends are like mine, it also goes without saying someone never fails to make the joke that goes something like, “Bro, could you imagine if we just stole a case and ran?” And for the more audacious, usually more inebriated ones, it sounds more like, “Bro, what if we stole that whole fucking truck… we’d be set for the semester!!!”

Well apparently, a couple of guys in Baltimore had the balls (read: stupidity) to do just that. But the truck they decided to hijack was no Anheuser-Busch piss wagon. This morning, thieves broke into a fenced parking area in a cargo transport facility and made off with an entire truck full of Hennessy—2,142 bottles of the cognac, to be exact.

When police later recovered the missing vehicle, it was too late. The culprits had somehow emptied it of all $514,000 worth of the luxury spirit, and not one single drop of Hennessy was left behind. The suspects are still at large, yet to be identified, and if they’re anything like my friends and I, they’re likely very, very drunk.

It seems pretty clear that the crooks had aptly scouted their heist, and knew exactly what they were going after, and what they were going to do with it. If you ask me, they’re probably throwing a weeklong rager with Tupac on non-stop repeat.

We’ll keep you Bros updated on this story, and do the same for us if you come across some black market Hennessy dealer in the next week or so. The Baltimore Police Department really want to have a work with him.

[via NBC Washington]