FINALLY A Tinder-Style Dating App For People With STDs, And I’m Just Itchin’ To Join

You don’t get a second chance at a first impression. I usually like to lead with “my stock portfolio is strong to moderately strong.” This lets the ladies know that I’ve made sounds financial decisions even though I have $18 in my bank account. Lying is essential in relationships. Honesty is overrated. And make no mistake about it, there is such thing as being ‘too honest.’ It’s the way to keep things level. Like you wouldn’t tell your long term girlfriend that sometimes you’d just rather masturbate. Because sometimes you would. But if you were honest, you wouldn’t have anything to masturbate because she’d chop your dick off and send it gift wrapped like a bottle of wine to your parents.

The only thing that may be good to know off the bat is if you uhh, have an STD. Pretty crucial information if you don’t want you dick to fall off. And thanks to PositiveSingles, that barrier is already broken down with a Tinder-style dating app to give hope to those with sexually transmitted diseases.

Per the press release:

With the new Tinder-style feature “Let’s Meet”, PositiveSingles makes dating much easier for people with STDs such as Herpes (HSV-1 & HSV-2), HPV and HIV. The app shares many of the same features as Tinder along with some unique upgrades. On Tinder, users are given one profile at a time. PositiveSingles has innovated to allow users to view two profiles at the same time.Users have a choice after they make a comparison: like one of the profiles or like neither of them. If they like one person more than the other, they can tap on her or him to like, and if they like neither of the two people, they can “swipe right” or “swipe left” to pass.

The PositiveSingles app is currently available in the App Store and Google Play Store.

Bros, before you think this is a whack business model, consider that there is an estimated 110 million STD-infected individuals in the US, with 20 million new infections each year. Further, more than half of all people will become infected with an STD at some point in their lives. I blame condoms.



Is there an app for people who have felt a faint itch for three weeks but refuse to go to the doctor because ignorance is bliss?

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.