Chill, Lying White House Chef Writes Book About Seeing George W. Bush Smoke Pot, Monica Lewinsky’s Stained Dress

Heritage Press

This is easily my favorite story of the day.

Though often ignored, the role of a book’s fact checker is of utmost importance. Because books are so rigorously vetted, they carry tremendous credence, and what’s inside them are reflexively viewed as facts.

But whoever is the fact checker at Heritage Press was either on vacation for several months or just plain did not give a shit, because the book Sir White House Chef by Ronnie Seaton is full of some fantastic, delightful bullshit.

Like, for starters, Ronnie Seaton was never a White House chef. But, nbd, because that didn’t stop him writing a book about serving five presidents, dishing on George W. Bush fucking Condoleeza Rice, his smoking pot, and seeing Monica Lewinsky’s cum-stained dress be taken out of the Oval Office.

Seriously, book is fire.

Seaton claims that throughout his time in the White House, George W. Bush was drinking alcohol and smoking pot regularly, writing that “President Bush drank a lot of whiskey,” that “he loved bourbon and beer,” and that they would find “marijuana butts” when they cleaned up after him.

On the next page, Seaton claims that Bush had a one-night affair with Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and that Laura Bush knew about it and “told Dr. Rice she needed to think about leaving her post.”

Nice, Gee Dub.

My favorite tale though is his one about cooking a private dinner for Monica Lewinsky and Bill Clinton, and then seeing her infamous blue dress the next day.

In his chapter on Clinton, Seaton recalls a special request for a dinner for two and describes what he calls “one of the most seductive meals I’ve ever helped make,” including chocolate-covered strawberries, caviar and “a very expensive bottle of Champagne.”

The president’s guest that night, he writes, was Lewinsky.

The next morning, he says, the room they ate in looked like “a wild party went on in there.” Then, he says, “one of the Secret Service men walked out with a dress on a hanger wrapped in a cleaners bag. It was a dark blue garment.

“‘Ooh, that dress,’ I commented. ‘It’s really long.’

“‘Yeah, we have to take it to the cleaners,’ the man answered. ‘It’s got a stain on the chest.’

Because that happened.

Amazing. Just imagine that scene.

According to the White House, they have no record of Seaton ever working there. But you’d expect them to say something like that.

Oh, I also forget to cover the part where the Queen of England knighted him because his food was so good. Because that happened, too.

[Via New York Post]