Susan Sykes has a pair of jugs that make Kate Uptons’ look like Gobstoppers. Solely for reference purposes:
Sykes’, a 53-year-old from Boston who goes by the stage name Busty Heart, has made a career from charging people to watch her break and flattening things with her giant fun bags she got installed back in 1990. Each of Susan’s breasts are filled with 2,000 cubic centimeters of silicon implants, which are now illegal. For those of you who are more familiar with another metric, they are roughly the size of one of my testicles.
Among the objects she’s crushed:
- Styrofoam cups
- Soda cans
- Baseball bats
- My face
Watch Susan crush a ripe watermelon with her knockers here! Bring the kids!
Now that we wasted a perfectly good fruit, let’s continue.
Boob smashing isn’t some half-assed, or more appropriately ass-titted, side gig. Susan’s profession has earned her a titty penny, allowing her to buy her own island, a vacation house in Maine, and a strip club. Meanwhile, I’m CHANGING THE WORLD with my blogging but had to jump the subway gates to get to work today. There’s zero balance in this cold, cold, world.
Sykes stumbled upon her um, talent, when she smashed a styrofoam cup with her tits and found the popping sound it made funny. Now she’s laughing all the way to the bank.
She recently went on E!’s reality series ‘Botched’ because she was FINALLY ready for reduction surgery. On her stomach. She claims the “shelf” on her stomach prohibits her from wearing two piece outfits. HOLY SHIT THE INJUSTICE.
Maybe if I keep eating these KFC Double Downs and drinking excessively, my tits will be big enough to break bricks. A man can dream.
[H/T Huffington Post]