Boston Bruins Fan Celebrates Game 7 Victory In Sanitarily Unsafe Way

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The Bruins scored four unanswered goals in the third period of last night’s Game 7 against the Maple Leafs to close out the series and book a ticket to the second round. Toronto fans were yearning for a slither of retribution from five years ago when their Leafs were up 4-1 midway through the third period in Game 7 only to fall victim to the NHL history by surrendering four straight goals and losing in overtime. They’ll have to wait until next year to try for their first Stanley Cup victory in over five decades.

The residents of Boston are once again basking in the success of its sports franchises. The Celtics, decimated with injuries are one win away from advancing to the Conference semi-finals. The Red Sox have the best record in the MLB right now at 18-5. Rob Gronkowski announced he’ll be back with the Patriots after months of cryptic behavior and retirement speculation. And the Bruins have made another stride in their quest to secure their seventh Stanley Cup.

Things are good in Boston. Don’t take it from me though, let this dude doing snow angels in construction water outside Boston’s TD Garden demonstrate the excitement.

What’s always funny to me about seeing these types of things is imagining these savages at the office water cooler the following day.

“How was your night, Bill?”
“Not bad, neanderthal. Just put the kids to bed and my wife and I knitted a blanket for our kitten. You?”
“I….I don’t remember.”
“Well, the weather–”
“Not now Bill. My head is fucking throbbing.”
“Welp! See ya later.”


Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.