I’ve been a Patriots fan since I exited the womb. I’ve been blessed, no doubt. But I’m having serious, serious urges to switch allegiances to become a member of the Bills Mafia. Four Super Bowls is great and all, but I don’t have a ring. For all I know, Tom Brady wouldn’t piss on me if I were on fire. Belichick definitely wouldn’t. Bills fans are the greatest off-the-field show going. The only football city in America where the fans make the headlines. Football is just a platform the fans use to turn the fuck up.
We’re not even halfway through the season and lets recap some debauchery:
- Bills fan snorts coke in the cheap seats
- Bills fan fingering a chicks butthole in plain sight
- Bills fan gives dude handjob while her boyfriend was grabbing beers
- Bills fan dizzy bats, only to end up with brain damage
- Bills O-line coach punches a child in the face and threatens to kill his family
The Patriots are my lifelong partner. I’ll love them until I die. But the Bills are my 2 am fuck buddy who doesn’t ask how my day is because who the fuck cares. Let’s snort some coke and finger some butts.
P.S. Who’s your QB again? Doesn’t matter.