Judge Drops All Charges Against Darrelle Revis In Knockout Incident After His Friend Takes The Fall

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Rule #1 of being a professional football player: You Must Have A Fall Guy.

This is as imperative as having a helmet or a woman in every city. There is no shame in having a man whose life you’re bankrolling to fall on the sword when you fuck up. You opened four Ruby Tuesday franchises for that ma’fucka. Four! Of course you’re going to switch teams when you knock the piss out of two dudes and then film their corpses.

That’s why it shouldn’t surprise you that a judge dismissed two felony counts of aggravated assault, one felony count each of robbery and conspiracy, and a misdemeanor count of terroristic threat, all stemming from a fight last month in Pittsburgh in which two men were knocked out cold.

According to the New York Post,

A witness, who was identified as Revis’ childhood friend, testified on Wednesday that he came to Revis’ aid and was the one who threw the punches. He also said it was his voice on a video that surfaced last month of the aftermath of the incident.

Police claim that the fight occurred after a man began filming Revis with his phone and Revis grabbed the phone and tried to delete the video.

 

Charges dropped against Revis is a win-win for everyone. Revis can concentrate on finding an NFL team that will bring him on after an abysmal 2016 season and the fall guy does 8 months, 6 with good behavior and walks out of prison to a brand new Bentley.

[h/t New York Post]

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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.