New England Liquor Store Drops The Hammer On Peyton Manning With Outstanding Troll Job Before AFC Championship
Everybody cheats the system. You do. I do. Your priest does. I don’t know why we act all surprised when rumors circulate about professional athletes bending the rules to get an edge–they are the ones who have the most incentive to cheat. Generally speaking, we fuck up in our jobs, we get a little slap on the wrist and then go play Candy Crush on the shitter for 45 minutes until it blows over. A professional athlete fucks up at his job and an entire city may want him hanged publicly (See: Blair Walsh). I can remember in 2009 when Bills’ returner Leodis McKelvin fumbled a punt to essentially lose the game against the Patriots in a regular season game, Buffalo residents went to his house and spray painted a giant cock on his front lawn. Balls and all. Brilliant, but brutal.
So can I blame professional athletes for cheating? Depends on the degree. Do I think that a couple PSIs determined the results in a 45-7 rout and called for an 8-month witch hunt smear campaign against the greatest quarterback of our time? No. Do I think that using a banned anti-aging substance to expedite the recovery of 28 neck surgeries may be bending the rules a little bit more egregiously? Probz. Do I care? No–I think all professional athletes should be able to take steroids. The end product would be tight as shit.
And (alleged) cheating opens the door for expert troll jobs–like this New England liquor company sending a nice little care package to the Manning resident before Peyton’s squad takes on the Patriots today in the AFC Championship.
Sending a little care package to Peyton Manning on behalf of New England. We figured he could use some whiskey to watch the big game in a few weeks. #manning #peytonmanning #hopehegetsit #patriotsvsbroncos #patriots #broncos #bradyvsmanning #nfl #nflplayoffs #whiskeyandfootball #patsnation #gopats #football #whiskey #newengland #singlemalt
Hey, hey, I want to play!