Okay, let’s go. We’ve got the Chiefs facing off against the 49ers in Super Bowl LIV. It’s officially on.

The Super Bowl Hype Machine just powered up but one thing we can say at this point is that this year’s game will almost surely feature more points than last year’s defensive snoozefest.

It’ll also feature a lot more red. Like, so much red.

As we sit here on Monday with one eye on yesterday’s games and another on what lies ahead, I want to take a moment to rattle off a few questions I have about the game (even though only a few of them actually pertain to the game itself).

1. What are we doing in terms of decorating for Super Bowl parties this year?

So, again, there’s going to be a lot of red this year.

I suppose that if you’re planning a Super Bowl party and want to cut corners, this makes things a little easier as far as color coordination is concerned. You only need to get balloons and napkins and paper plates in a single hue. That’s kind of nice.

But what if you’re not trying to cut corners and really want a Super Bowl party that truly appeals to all comers? If that’s the case, we need to look at each team’s secondary colors.

Are we doing gold-colored decorations for the 49ers and yellow for the Chiefs? Are we abandoning red all together because it’s confusing? Is that fair to the color red? It was there first. It claimed dibs. It’s not red’s fault that it’s a popular color.

I feel like someone needs to make a ruling on this soon before people start planning their parties.

2. Are we really having a halftime show in Miami without Pitbull?

There’s no doubt Jennifer Lopez is a huge get and the combination of her and Shakira will provide the Latin flair the league was probably looking for when picking performers for a Super Bowl held in Miami but I still cannot believe Pitbull didn’t get this gig.

It’s Pitbull!

When I think of Miami, I think of eating Cuban sandwiches in a white linen shirt while Pitbull plays in the background and I don’t care if that makes me sound like an incredibly boring white dude because I am an incredibly boring white dude. I am very on-brand that way.

For the most part, the halftime show is pretty forgettable. It just kind of happens and then it’s over. Who played last year? I don’t remember and I don’t really care. If it’s a good performance, we’ll kind of remember it, but that’s it.

I vaguely recall Bruno Mars from a couple years ago and acknowledge Beyoncé was really good. I’m pretty sure Lady Gaga jumped from the roof of the stadium one year, and after Coldplay performed, it was generally agreed upon by all of those involved that the halftime show was no longer the proper venue for a rock band anymore.

I don’t remember when those things happened, just that they did.

I’m sure Jennifer Lopez and Shakira will give us a very entertaining show. But so would Pitbull. The big difference would be that Pitbull performing would make a lot of sense, whereas Lopez and Shakira only make some sense.

Is it too late to change it?

3. Super Bowl LIV settles the debate about who is the best post-Gronk tight end, right?

When Rob Gronkowski retired after last year’s Super Bowl, it opened the door for someone to step up and become the player everyone generally considers to be the best tight end in the league. Gronk had held the title for a few years and had fought off a few challengers here and there, but with him gone, it was time for someone else to grab the belt.

Initially, I think most people assumed Kansas City’s Travis Kelce would become the guy. Kelce had been a close second to Gronk over the past few years, and in the last year or two, an argument could be made that he and the former Patriot were 1A and 1B.

Since 2014, Kelce has 37 touchdowns and over 6,400 yards. He’s a five-time Pro Bowler and a two-time All-Pro. He’s the dude, right?

What about George Kittle?

That fella is pretty damn good too and, if anything, has been pretty damn good under the radar because I would assume more people watch Chiefs games than 49ers games.

However, in just three seasons, Kittle has 12 touchdowns, 2945 yards, and 216 receptions. Those stats are similar to Kelce’s first years (although the Chief does have a slight edge on him).

But now we get to see them go face-to-face in the biggest game of the year. The Super Bowl creates opinions and takes. It cements legacies.

If one of them has a better game than the other—especially if one has a significantly better game—then I think they take the crown (unless Gronk decides retirement is boring and comes back next season).

4. Shouldn’t the Super Bowl be on a Saturday night?

Yes. It should be. It’s either that or we finally make the Monday after it a national holiday.

Let’s do one or the other because it’s lunacy that we keep having the Super Bowl on a Sunday night when almost everyone has to get up early the next morning. If we do it on Saturday, then we can enjoy the game without a worry in the world.

The College Football Playoff Championship should be on a Saturday night too. I’m not entirely sure, but I think it started on Tuesday night and ended sometime Thursday afternoon.

Why do we keep doing this to ourselves? Why don’t we make our lives easier?

I get that Sundays are for football, and in that spirit, it makes a lot of sense to have the Super Bowl on Sunday.

However, it doesn’t make any sense to have something on a Sunday night that involves plenty of drinking and staying up late when you have a life to attend to on Monday morning.

It’s 2020, folks. We have to deal with a lot of shit these days. I say if we can make at least some things in our lives easier, we should do exactly that.

5. 49ers quarterbacks playing for Kansas City is kind of thing, right?

As soon as it became clear that Super Bowl LIV would be between the Chiefs and the 49ers, people were quick to christen it the Joe Montana Bowl, seeing as how Montana had played for both teams. Sure, the “Joe Montana Bowl” does have a nice ring to it, but it’s not telling the whole story and is doing a disservice to a handful of other quarterbacks.

Most recently there was Alex Smith, who was traded from San Francisco to Kansas City in 2013. Unlike Montana, whose Kansas City career was mostly a formality, Smith was actually productive for the Chiefs.

There’s also Steve DeBerg, who was the 49ers quarterback before Montana. Additionally, Elvis Grbac signed with the Chiefs in 1996 after three seasons with the Niners and Steve Bono was traded to  Kansas City before the 1994 season.

Poor Bono spent his time in San Francisco backing up Montana then continued to backup Montana in Kansas City before losing the starting gig to Grbac after Montana retired. Brutal.

6. How successful of a player was Andy Reid?

Whenever the Chiefs are playing, announcers love bringing up Andy Reid’s success in his younger days in a Punt, Pass and Kick competition. In footage from a Monday Night Football game in 1971, Reid looks gigantic competing against other kids his age.

If you don’t think that clip will air at least once during Super Bowl LIV, you’re nuts.

But I have to wonder, did any of that talent Reid showcased at such an early age transfer over and propel him to success as a player in either college or the pros?

No, not really.

Reid played some college ball, first at Glendale Community College and then at Brigham Young University. That was it. He got into coaching as soon as he graduated.

As a result, it would appear the answer to this question is “not very.”

7. How should you feel about rooting for Tyreek Hill?

This question is not for Chiefs fans. I’m sure they’ve already made up their mind.

This is more for casual fans who are entering this year’s Super Bowl not really attached to either team but who still want to pick one to support. I can understand the appeal of opting for the Chiefs, but if you do that, you’re going to have to grapple with how you feel about their dynamic speedster Tyreek Hill.

On the field, Hill is a stud, but off of it, things get slightly problematic.

In 2014, he was arrested after complaints were raised that he had assaulted his then-pregnant girlfriend. As a result of the charges, Hill was dismissed from the Oklahoma State team. He would eventually plead guilty to domestic violence and battery by strangulation.

Then, in March of 2019, Hill was investigated after his three-year-old son was left with a broken arm following an incident at home. The boy was temporarily placed into the custody of the Kansas Department of Children and Families while the matter was looked into. Shortly after, recordings emerged in which Hill’s fiancée said that their son is afraid of him and he responded by saying she should be afraid of him too.

Investigators ended up deciding the child’s injury was the result of a fall while Hill accused his fiancée of editing the recordings. Charges weren’t filed and the NFL ultimately didn’t take any action.

However, I’m still a bit uneasy throwing my support behind him.

8. Can someone please get Kyle Shanahan a better hat?

Look at that thing!

It looks like someone emailed him a tiny file of the 49ers logo and then he just got it printed on a hat without changing the size. Is that a thumbnail image? That wouldn’t even work as a photo used for a Spotify playlist.

Say what you will about the way Bill Belichick dresses but at least you can see the Patriots logo clearly on the clothes he wears. The only indication that Shanahan is a coach is the headset he has but who the hell knows what team he’s coaching at a quick glance.

There are so many hats out there. So many.

Please, 49ers. Do something about this. It’s embarrassing.

9. If I want to drink regionally-appropriate beers for the Super Bowl, which ones should I pick?

I did some Googling here and this is what I came up with.

If you want to go with a San Francisco beer, your best bet is to look for something from 21st Amendment, Speakeasy, or Anchor Brewing.

If you’re into Kansas City beers, there’s Boulevard, Kansas City Bier Company, and Stockyards Brewing.

But then again, you also don’t have to trouble yourself here and overthink things.

Kansas City is in Missouri and Missouri is the home of Budweiser, so if you’re rooting for the Chiefs, just drink a few Buds.

If you’re a Niners fan, you want to go with Lagunitas, which is brewed a few clicks north of the Bay Area in Petaluma, California.

Or if you’re Rob Lowe, don’t drink at all.

You’re just here to enjoy the game.

10. If the Patriots aren’t playing, does this Super Bowl even count?

As a Patriots fan, I would argue it doesn’t but I’m sure other people see things a bit differently.