Well, here we are, in the thick of it, otherwise known as Week 7 of the NFL season where Sir Thomas doesn’t even play until Monday night.
So does anyone know what that kind of ripple effect even mean? I’ll tell you what it means.
This tweet is what it means.
Players out for Sunday include Alvin Kamara, Drew Brees, Jared Cook, Davante Adams, Darnell Savage, Tyrell Williams, Chris Thompson, Sterling Shepard, Parris Campbell, A.J. Green, William Jackson, Dre Kirkpatrick, DeSean Jackson, Darren Sproles, Jason Peters, Will Dissly.
— Adam Schefter (@AdamSchefter) October 20, 2019
Gross! And really not helping my case.
Anyway, the absence of the Panthers, Browns, Steelers and Bucs really meant just one thing:
Y'all digging Cam Newton's work clothes or nah? pic.twitter.com/uK4dUJB348
— Carolina Blitz (@KeepBlitzin) October 30, 2016
Sad! But let’s be real for a biting moment. No Cam is a really shitty existence.
The big question though — and we need to be sensitive to this — is it possible that Aaron Rodgers ever smiles again?
Sad! One could argue, or yell, “come on man, he’s just focused before the game!”
Pregame, postgame, this dude is always lookin like he just saw someone kick a puppy. pic.twitter.com/mJFohv2UHQ
— Tim Ryan🦤 (@TheSportsHernia) October 15, 2019
Uh yeah, NO. Let’s see if we can improve on the beautiful mess that IS Aaron Rodgers.
So anyway, with the signature gusto of CNN anchor Chris Cuomo, whaddya say, let’s get after it!
https://giphy.com/gifs/pro-wrestling-ric-flair-12OjmF8LO0jXK8
Stefon Diggs
You serious, Clark? Wow, Big Money shouldn’t automatically transition to mean Big Stupid. But here we are.
Cheat Sheet: I love everything about this.
Gardner Minshew
Does Gardner Minshew give one single fuck about his fashion choices? No. No, he does not. This dude exudes the fire and confidence of a modern-day Doc Holliday without the bullets.
But in all seriousness, it’s clear that our boy Gardner flat-out yeans to Rip to be in the very great Yellowstone. Don’t we all.
Aaron Rodgers
1️⃣2️⃣#OAKvsGB | #GoPackGo pic.twitter.com/FLKFBG6Fh8
— Green Bay Packers (@packers) October 20, 2019
Happy? Most definitely not. An “I’m Aaron Rodgers And You Aren’t”? No doubt.
Everything about this getup pretty much blows, but ya’ gotta appreciate the confidence.
Patrick Mahomes
Let’s just hope this enjoyable king remains king. We need ya’ buddy.
Sensational look, too.
Tom Brady
Tom Brady 10/21: 'Three division road wins, that's pretty sweet'
Full Press Conference: https://t.co/O4tXgLoHXz #NEvsNYJ #Patriots #NFL pic.twitter.com/w0kbcXQ9Jo
— Patriots.com (@PATRIOTSdotCOM) October 22, 2019
Just what in the holy hell is this? After all that praise in the intro and this is what we get?
Excessive Teeth Whitening has never seen such a burst, sure, but come on Tommy, do better.
UPDATE: I take it alllllllllll back. What a smooth legend.
Road game ritual. @TomBrady | #GoPats pic.twitter.com/CfOk8eo1GB
— New England Patriots (@Patriots) October 21, 2019
Dak Prescott
"That was a great team win, the best complimentary offense we’ve played all year long."@dak on Sunday night's #DallasCowboys victory #PHIvsDAL
Watch the full postgame press conference ⬇️
— Dallas Cowboys (@dallascowboys) October 21, 2019
This is the smirk of a man who just took a fiery dump on the Eagles. So, why Dak went with “we’re going with distinct chalk lines and I’ll BopwerBomb anyone who says otherwise” we’ll never know. And don’t want to. Though I must, that jack is eletric.
NOTE: Contradicting yourself — a “self own” as the kids say — should be celevarted.
DeAndre Hopkins
https://www.instagram.com/p/B31_0-wl3xr/
This is probably the greatest “worlds apart” photo that we’ll sell all season. Unbelievable. This shot could be discussed and examined for hours. Or we could just go ahead and just say that the inner workings of DeAndre Hopkins are basically hidden inside a secret cartoon. Makes sense.
Aaron Jones
Arriving for work.
📸: https://t.co/zTEMDNGRAg#OAKvsGB | #GoPackGo pic.twitter.com/JnODUoe2SP
— Green Bay Packers (@packers) October 20, 2019
Yup yup, Aaron Jones absolutely needed to be pulled from this blistering collage because his smile could stop a war and those Air Jordan 6 x Travis Scott do so much talkin; without any talkin’.
Are those Packers-branded AJs? Good god. Dude’s been in the league for a minute and already owning earth.
The Seahawks
Nothing like being back home. 🏡#GoHawks x #BALvsSEA pic.twitter.com/xFosrjDoBq
— Seattle Seahawks (@Seahawks) October 20, 2019
No idea who these guys are and no one should really care because pictures 3 and 4 already have me on Amazon.
Marlon Humphrey
Who is Marlon Humphrey? Great question, I asked myself the same, but he’s on the radar now.
He apparently plays for the Ravens and Baltimore won 30-16. Humphrey’s jacket, sadly, was shutout 96-3.
Julio Jones
Kinda loved it at first glance but those try-hard sneakers are annoying.
Zeke Elliott
Yes, it looks like Zeke needs a toilet but GOOD GOD DAMN that suit owns life (and the Eagles).
It kinda was.
Tyrod Taylor
For a guy who sees the field as much as I do, Tyrod Taylor just rips through the clutter.
Pret-tay pret-tay pret-tay cool sweater, man.
Jalen Mills
Travis Kelce
Denver, we have arrived ⛰@surface | #ChiefsKingdom pic.twitter.com/SNYcFqLowO
— Kansas City Chiefs (@Chiefs) October 16, 2019
Simply put, we’re at Week 7 and I’ve been waiting IMPATIENTLY waiting for a Trace Kelce bomb. Safe to say, as twisted as those words are when strung together, the bomb is here.
Yes, Kelce is being pulled from that jun — and this junk — to celebrate a fur coat for the ages.
Emmanuel Sanders
When you wear a Gucci print hoodie and you follow through with the Travis Scott x Air Jordan 6 dunk, chances are you’ll be here and be celebrated with gusto.
Joe Flacco
Random Tip: If your neckbeard is starting to forge a bond with the hair on the back of your neck AND your chest hair, it's time to clean things up. pic.twitter.com/48Gx1VoBxg
— Tim Ryan🦤 (@TheSportsHernia) October 19, 2019
I mean, jesus christ. It’s great but it’s equally awful. There’s a happy place in the middle, kids, and this IS NOT IT. #BeardLeadership
Kirk Cousins
“I was really proud of the way players stepped up.” – @KirkCousins8 https://t.co/hds63W2681
— Minnesota Vikings (@Vikings) October 20, 2019
It would be annoying if each week went without a Peaky Blinders reference — Spoiler: It won’t — but our buddy Kirk seriously looks like he just placed a bet at the track that could change the course of time.
Yikes. Confidence Level: 0.0000001/10
Mason Crosby?!?
"You always have that next-man-up mentality."
Hear from #Packers WR Jake Kumerow after #OAKvsGB 🎥: https://t.co/TwByJIVhf4#GoPackGo https://t.co/ru0LeK48rI
— Green Bay Packers (@packers) October 20, 2019
In short, a mess. In long, a mess. If you’re gonna embrace the “crazy kicker” role, ya’ gotta go full stop or just be a kicker in a Packers hat. There is truly no in-between.
Phillip Lindsay
Gotta do it big for prime time. 😎#BeatTheChiefs | @I_CU_boy pic.twitter.com/uzGyKchg37
— Denver Broncos (@Broncos) October 17, 2019
Phillip Lindsay’s story is amazing and he damn well knows he’s livin’ the dream. Additionally and expectedly unrelated, his hair is off the fucking charts.
Dalton Risner & Ronald Leary
Broncos offensive linemen Dalton Risner & Ronald Leary are probably the greatest TagTeam Chamiopns of the wooooorld. Which, really is to say…
Mike Zimmer
“It was a a darn good win, a win on the road.” – Coach Zimmerhttps://t.co/V3c3OYGZ33
— Minnesota Vikings (@Vikings) October 20, 2019
Mike Zimmer is constantly confronting the hardest ski slope in the world.
Gotta be honest though, I sincerely love it.
Bill Belichick
Bill Belichick 10/21: 'Always good to win a division game on the road'
Full Press Conference: https://t.co/sMwJs9Sfmp #Patriots #NEvsNYJ #NFL pic.twitter.com/U1UcY1NvEy
— Patriots.com (@PATRIOTSdotCOM) October 22, 2019
“Yes, I’m the shit and you’re absolutely not.”
I cherish this man.