People Are Actually Upset Beyonce Refused To Give Joaquin Phoenix A Standing Ovation For Winning Golden Globe

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Today on Mad Online: Golden Globes Edition, we get unreasonable upset that a stranger didn’t contort her body properly to express a satisfying level of enthusiasm about something subjective and ultimately trivial!

As a reminder, you can only be considered for the Mad Online army if you one or more of the following applies to you.

  • You are unhappy and unfulfilled in your life
  • You have at least one regrettable tattoo
  • You have a ‘It’s Adam and Eve, NOT Adam and Steve” bumper sticker

Ok. So now that we weeded out the strong ones, let’s use our mental bandwidth to shame Beyonce for not giving Joaquin Phoenix a standing ovation for dressing like a clown and making millions (Disclaimer: I thought Joaquin was unbelievable in Joker, but if I dressed like a clown and danced in the streets, I wouldn’t make millions, I’d make the sex offender list).

Queen B, who was dressed like my last acid trip, refused to join the masses in giving Joaquin Phoenix a standing ovation for Joaquin winning Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Drama for Joker.

Imagine being Isaac Basurto mad.

In Joaquin’s acceptance speech, he did exactly what Ricky Gervais sternly instructed celebs not to do: preach. Phoenix brought up global warming (“We don’t have to take private jets to Palm Springs … I’ll try to do better, and I hope you will too) and thanked the Hollywood Foreign Press Association for its meat-free meal.

BLAH BLAH. The Golden Globes should require every winner to reveal their biggest insecurity they have in themselves rather than talk down to us about social issues. That’s a Golden Globes I’d actually watch.



Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.