The winner of the $758 million Powerball jackpot has come forward as Mavis L. Wanczyk from Chicopee, Massachusetts. The 53-year-old mother of two purchased the winning Powerball ticket at the Pride Station & Store in Chicopee and chose the numbers based on her family’s birthdays. To think of the chain of events that would have to occur for Mavis to win the largest single-ticket Powerball jackpot in history is mind-blowing. Mavis would have to have sex on those two exact days years ago to birth children with dates corresponding to the winning lottery tickets. Mavis fucks, and it pays.
Mavis, who worked at a local hospital, said she found out she won as she was leaving work Wednesday night with a colleague.
“He’s reading these numbers, and I pull mine out, and I go, ‘Hey, I have that number. And I have that — I have that!'” she told reporters. “And he goes, ‘Let me see that ticket. You just won!'” she told CBS News.
Mavis said she will keep her job at the local hospital because she likes helping people. Just kidding, she said she was immediately quitting and enjoying early retirement.
“I’m going to go hide in my bed,” she said.
The store Mavis bought the winning ticket from will receive $50,000. Word to the wise: if you’re looking to win the jackpot, buy up a ticket in Massachusetts. This marks the fourth time a Powerball jackpot winning ticket has been sold in Massachusetts. The others were sold in 2011, 2012 and 2013, according to CBS News.
Massachusetts is not one of the five states that allows its winners to receive their winnings anonymously so Mavis will likely be bombarded by people with their palms out.
As far as how much of the $758 million Mavis will actually take home, it gets dicey. She has the option of accepting her money as annuity or lump sum. If she chooses annuity, she will receive one payment immediately and 29 subsequent payments on a yearly basis. If Mavis chooses the lump sum, she will skate with approximately $443 million. But then the taxes kick in.
Massachusetts taxes 5 percent. If the person who won the most recent Powerball jackpot chooses lump sum, they would pay more than $22 million in state taxes, leaving them $310,310,000. They would also have to pay taxes each year for any investment income. If they choose annuity, they would pay on average $16,333,333 per year in state taxes and receive after 30 payments $489,999,990. [via Bustle]
Taxes, shmaxes. We’re just splitting hairs here. What’s the real difference between $758 million or $310 million or $100 million? Shit, my grandmother gave me a $50 savings bond for my birthday and I almost broke down in tears.
Enjoy your new life, Mavis. I’m happy for you. REALLY FUCKING HAPPY FOR YOU FUCKING FUCK!
[h.t CBS News