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“No cum on the cake,” seems like a pretty reasonable line to draw in a supermarket’s bakery. I personally prefer to vanilla funfetti cake with chocolate frosting and a grand total of zero jizz. Different strokes for different folks, I guess. No, I have never tried cum cake but I’m a traditional guy and a creature of habit so no matter how much the pineapple juice the jizzer has drank, I’d strongly urge him to aim away from my delectable treat and go find a lower back tattoo or something.
A Publix grocery store in Charleston, South Carolina wanted to keep cum off the cake too, despite the customer ordering a cake online that was supposed to read “Congrats Jacob! Summa Cum Laude Class of 2018”
Jacob Koscinski’s mother wanted to congratulate her son for graduating from his Christian-based home-school program with a 4.79 grade-point average and a summa cum laude distinction. For the sake of the story, lets not get caught up on what the hell a Christian-based home-school program is.
When Jacob’s mom opened the cake for her son and 18 guests at his graduation party, the ‘Cum’ in ‘Cum Laude’ had been replaced with a ‘—,’ as it violated Publix’s strict algorithm to disallow naughty words.
According to the Washington Post, in Latin, cum is the preposition “with,” as in summa cum laude, “with the highest distinction.” In English, cum is what fills my belly button as I stare at the ceiling wondering when I’m going to find someone to love.
Jacob was “absolutely humiliated,” Koscinski said to The Post. “It was unbelievable. I ordered the special graduation edition cake. I can’t believe I’m the first one to ever write “Summa Cum Laude” on a cake.
Publix ended up gaving her a $70 refund for the cake and a store gift card.
I’m surprised that a GoFundMe wasn’t created for the family to raise money for all their immense pain and suffering. Laugh it off, Jacob. Thicken the skin. College is going to cum at you fast.