Brilliant. Letting out a vicious butt burp is always the best defense. Getting claustrophobic on a cramped subway? Let out a burrito bomb and you’ll be able to do fucking jumping jacks. Oh your boy is talking to the girl you were thirsting for at the bar? Walk by and let out a stinker and she’ll leave him faster than Kim K left Kris Humphries. Farts are the ultimate equalizer. There’s a reason my ex-girlfriend left me and it wasn’t because I had a hammer of a hog. It was because I’m lactose intolerant and eat Sargento cheese out of the package. I DON’T NEED YOU ANYWAY PAIGE!