This Dude Just Shattered The World Record For Loudest Burp, And What Have You Done With Your Small Little Life?

So you think you’re all accomplished and shit because you got a college degree and a job and maybe a couple kids who idolize you? LOL, that’s minor league, bruh. Your countless thankless hours at the soup kitchen and your generous anonymous donation to a military bro’s GoFundMe isn’t going to score you that “world’s loudest burp” vagina. If you don’t think this dude is burping up vaginal discharge right now, you’re straight up delusional. Because the sad reality is that your good deeds will be lost in the annals of time and this belching barbarian just immortalized himself with a burp that could wake up a coma patient. This is just more proof that in this life all you have to do is be the best at one thing and you’re set. Liberal arts educations are the worst thing to happen to America since Kim Kardashian. I will raise my son to have the longest rat tail in all the land.

[h/t TFM]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.