Remember that story we gave you last week about the fucking black bear that crashed a Lehigh University frat party, only to be summoned with a tranquilizer? It turns out that he’s not the only bear who’s itching to wreak some havoc on people.
That’s because, just the other day, some grizzly bear thought it would be a wild idea to pick up a 50-pound rock and heave it towards those looking at him through Minnesota Zoo’s protective glass, no doubt, scaring the shit out of anyone who was in attendance.
You know that scene from the movie The Omen, where the creepy, little devil-child mentally freaks out the gorilla, causing that behemoth to bodycheck and shatter the glass? Yeah, that was a damn movie, so picture the same thing happening—but with a boulder being thrown instead.
Doesn’t sound like it was a great scene, but, at the very least, no one was hurt. Hell, only one person was even there to see it, which means that the grizzly bear exhibit at the Minny Zoo must be pretty damn whack.
According to the report from the Minnesota Star Tribune, the five-layer pane stayed in place, “like a windshield,” and no creatures on either side of the multiple panes were harmed, so said zoo animal collections manager Tony Fisher.
Still, I’m pretty sure summer camps and families don’t go to the zoo to, potentially, get attacked by a grizzly bear, or, at the very least, get word that some 800-pound beast is throwing anything around.
One thing is sure, though, if I ever had an inkling to go to a zoo for some reason, you can bet your ass that it just flew out the window, because this shit scares the pubes off of me.
I once broke a neighbor’s window with a golf ball that I hit Happy Gilmore-style from my backyard when I was in seventh grade, hiding immediately the second I heard the glass shatter. That has very little to do with this particular story, but hearing that zoo members are unsure what grizzly it was that broke the glass, I can’t help but think that maybe bears do, in fact, just have a sense of humor.
Unfortunately, hearing Fisher say, “Kenai is usually the clown out there, fooling around in the water. He didn’t know what he was doing. He was just being a bear,” isn’t really enough of a reason for me to think that the zoo is a happy place to be anytime soon.