Pokémon Go Is Now Causing Drunk Drivers To Crash Their Cars, So Maybe Avoid Roads For A While

Pokemon Go is officially the most dangerous game on Earth. I know, I thought it was hunting humans, too. Like in that movie Surviving The Game starring Ice-T, but nope, it’s some kind of augmented reality free-for-all to “catch them all”.

Two drunk drivers from Wisconsin crashed their cars while playing Pokémon Go, according to investigators. If that’s not weird enough, the crashes happened four hours apart in the same damn town. So, if you live in Verona, Wisconsin, maybe you should hold off on taking that refreshing morning walk or bike ride. Just hole up for a while until this godforsaken Pokémon Go pandemonium passes.

The first accident happened when the driver “failed to negotiate a curve” and struck a pole. I’ve failed to negotiate curves all my life. They’re called women and almost every negotiation ended in a crash that severely bruised my ego.

In the second accident, the driver went off the road and and into the tree. Hope that Bealthazar or Grimlock or Mingoat was worth it, dude. Fortunately, those drivers will be walking to catch their VIRTUAL CREATURES from now on. Odds are they’ll walk right into traffic. Best to stay away from any roads, bros.

Both drivers were treated for minor injuries at the hospital and charged with drunk driving and, also, wait for it… driving without insurance. Good luck getting car insurance after this lil’ snafu. I know that lil’ gecko from Geico looks pretty chill, but he’s a stickler for this kind of crap. Maybe you can seduce Flo from Progressive. She seems vulnerable.

I sounds like that bitter old man who posted this sign in his yard warning Pokémon Go players, but when do we start panicking about the downfall of society? Sure, the game caused stocks to rise, but it’s also distracting Johnny Manziel from partying at the club, inspiring MMA fighter victory celebration dances, causing bros to quit their jobs, and leading sex offenders to kids.

Via The Smoking Gun


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