You’ll Never Believe This But United Airlines Is Hiring A PR Manager
United Airlines is in the shitter after forcibly removing a passenger off their flight. The airline’s public image has suffered devastating damage after being ridiculed and lambasted by everyone in the past week. United’s response to the inhumane way they dealt with overbooked Flight 3411 only made things worse.
The same week as their fiasco, United Airlines advertised an open position for a “brand public relations manager.”
- Creating and maintaining a favorable image and brand reputation for United in destinations United serves to Latin America
(You’ll have a better chane at repairing Pol Pot’s reputation)
- Serving as company spokesperson
(I’d rather be the spokesperson for Pepsi, and that’s saying a lot)
- Respond to media inquiries
(I’d rather be thrown in a room with a pack of hungry and rabid jackals)
- Discovering, analyzing and recommending new opportunities for external and internal storytelling
(We bludgeoned one of our paying customers because we had to fly our employees on an overbooked flight)
- Proactively pitch stories
(Hi media, I’d like to pitch a story, we haven’t concussed any passengers in FIVE whole days)
During the job interview would you dare say something outlandish to possibly land the job? Maybe something like:
“I’ve been thinking a lot of the campaign strategy that I would implement if I was the public relations manager. I think maybe I’d swing a different direction than the company’s previous approach. Not that I’m saying it needed improvement, but I’m thinking of a fresh new attitude. I know it may sound revolutionary at first, but please hear me out. I’d really like to blue-sky a new corporate philosophy of not forcibly removing customers who were already sitting in their seats that they already booked by bashing their heads into the metal armrest causing them to lose two teeth and need reconstructive surgery and then dragging their unconscious body down the aisle as every other passenger records the brutality on their cell phone. I know what you’re thinking, ‘this is crazy.’ I’m just throwing it out there. Hopefully, you don’t think my idea is too radical.”
BTW, Dr. Dao got a world-class lawyer and United is going to be paying a pretty penny.