The Amount Of Money People Are Bidding For A Signed Bottle From Viral Water Bottle Boy Hurts My Soul

https://twitter.com/WesleyManning6/status/735150286755528704

Whatever happened to retiring on top? Barry Sanders retired honorably on his own terms while Brett Favre hung around just long enough to send an unsolicited dick pic to a creeped out cheerleader. Sanders still goes down as the top 10 running backs of all time while Favre’s career is tainted by his small, pathetic, clear mushroom tip that I can’t shake from my memory when his name is mentioned.

Point is, viral water bottle boy is going to overstay his welcome in our collective headspace. He had a dope ass trick that went super viral and probably got him laid a couple times. But now he’s taken on the same tired trajectory all these flash-flood internet stars take–he won’t stop until he gets free water for life on Ellen or some shit or he sells a signed water bottle for $15,100 on eBay.

 

Make no mistake, this dude is doing EXACTLY what I would do–cashing in while the iron’s hot–but since it’s not me, I can hate on him with no consequence. Kind of like how all the talking heads berated Tiger Woods for banging a lot of girls when they would have done the same shit given the opportunity.

So does this piss ant selling a water bottle for the price of a car depress the shit out of me? Yes. Do I respect the hustle? NO! (yes).

Oh ya, one small detail…

Excuse me while I go run my car engine with the windows up and the garage door closed.

[h/t TFM]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.