City Walls Designed To Pee On You Is A Huge Loss For The Public Urination Community

So apparently Hamburg, Germany, has a public urination “problem”, which seems to me to be an oxymoron because peeing in public is my favorite hobby. Actually it’s my only hobby. There’s nothing more gratifying than feeling a cool breeze tickle your package. That’s legit the only time mine gets blown.

But Hamburg officials are pissing away money (LOLZ) cleaning the city walls after drunkards are whizzing on all their buildings. So what’s the solution here? Increase the public urination fine? Install surveillance cameras in the problem areas? Of course not, silly! Just plaster all the walls with paint that is chemically-formulated to deflect your piss back in your face, duh! The expensive, water-repellent paint is typically used on ships and by R. Kelly’s girlfriend.

Unbelievable. We live in a world where we haven’t discovered the technology to turn on a TV with one remote control, but we can engineer walls to fight back. We can’t do anything about that malignant tumor, but we’re all good in the Covering You In Your Own Piss department. Two clap for humanity. What’s next: they’re going to make it illegal to masterbate outside of a school? Oh, that’s already illegal? Ya, of course *zips up fly*.

Via Jezebel

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.