Johnny Manziel Admits He Was A ‘Douche’ And A Boozebag In 2016, Claims He’s Now A Man On A Mission

Stop me if you’ve heard this before, but Johnny Football is back, baby!! Gone are the days of Manziel tailgating NFL games like an average slob, chugging Fireball at 8 in the morning, trashing L.A. mansions, double-fisting at college bars in Austin, and maybe possibly assaulting a bar employee.

Johnny Tebow has experienced a REAWAKENING!!*

*says a few words he wrote on Twitter today.

Good on you, Johnny. Seems like you got yourself a nice girl you’re taking on frozen yogurt dates and are ready to give this #adulting a fair shot. We’ll just both agree to forget about the Xanax bar you got tattooed on your arm just a short time ago.

RIP Old Johnny.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.