— Aaron Levine (@AaronQ13Fox) November 22, 2017
Washington State head coach Mike Leach always has a wonderful way with words on a myriad of topics such as candy corn, how he protects his home, and online dating. However, his latest pearls of wisdom on marriage might very well his absolute best piece of advice. The WSU coach provided grooms-to-be a survival guide on how to successfully navigate the treachery that is wedding planning.
On Tuesday night during a media session days before a showdown against rival Washington, a reporter, who is getting married next week, asked the WSU coach for some wedding advice. Coach Leach delivered big-time. Leach outlined what will happen before, during, and after the wedding. “The women lose their mind,” Leach told the soon-to-be groom. “Your fiancee’s gonna lose her mind. Your mother-in-law’s gonna lose her mind. Your mom is gonna lose her mind. Several of your sisters and female relatives are gonna lose their mind.” Then he prepped the reporter on all of the wedding planning that will be so ludicrous that it will actually threaten the wedding.
Here is the entire brilliant manifesto on marriage:
“The women lose their mind. Your fiancee’s gonna lose her mind, your mother-in-law is gonna lose her mind, your mom is gonna lose her mind, several of your sisters, and female relatives are gonna lose their mind. And, they’re gonna barrage you with constant questions — ‘what should we wear?’ and of course my answer was ‘I don’t care.’ And then ‘what color should the invitations be?’ ‘I don’t care.’ ‘What should we have for dessert?’ ‘I don’t care.’ ‘Should we sit this way, or that way?’ ‘I don’t care.’
But see, I don’t care’s not satisfactory at all, and you’re going to get caught in a catch-22 — and I’m certain that you already have — and that catch-22 is, ‘Well I want you to be a part of this too, so what color invitations?’ ‘Alright, the blue ones.’ ‘Well I kind of like the tan ones’ — ‘OK the tan ones then.’ ‘Oh you’re jut saying that because you want this over, you’re not even thinking about it’ — which is, of course, true. ‘What do you want for dessert?’ ‘I was thinking strawberry shortcake.’ ‘Oh, OK, strawberry shortcake would be good. Well, what about the blueberry pie?’ ‘Well I like the blueberry pie, we could have the blueberry pie’ — ‘Well I thought you wanted to have the strawberry shortcake?!’
And it’s just gonna go back and forth, and they’re just going to play keep away from you until after you’re married. There’s no answer that you give that’s going to be satisfactory or correct. And if you successfully please a few of them, a few others will be ‘Oh, well I just don’t feel like he’s that interested.’ So you need to work late, go in the back room and read a lot of books, take the groomsmen out so you make sure that they march in just right, and they know exactly, you know these swell outfits that you picked out, or however you’re doing it. And in the end, you’ll wish you eloped. You need to find excuses that they’ll buy to be as far out of harm’s way as you possibly can.”
Leach knows how to maintain a great marriage, he has been happily married to his wife Sharon for more than 30 years.