Which WWE Star Has Triple H In His Back Pocket? 

Hit the entrance music because the WWE news and rumors post makes its triumphant return! The WWE news never stops but sometimes I just don’t feel like talking about the minor rumors like who hates who, who’s push is pissing people off and Total Divas stupidity.

But! Suddenly it seems as though there’s a plethora of WWE news to digest and discuss, which is crazy, because the total TV product has been absolute shit in recent weeks. Maybe some of these rumors will once again pique my interest in Raw, Smackdown and that show that reminds me of the old WWE Superstars show.


Randy Orton Cries To Triple H When He Doesn’t Want To Do Things

I don’t mind Randy Orton as a performer. He’s a third gen star, can work with almost anyone and looks the part. Randy Orton the real guy seems like a complainer. Orton is office middle manager at TelAmeriCorp who runs to the boss to tell on coworkers are pissing in the water cooler. Note to management, everyone pisses in the cooler.

It’s no secret that Orton and Triple H are chums and it’s no shock that all The Viper needs to do is bitch to Triple H about a company issue and cards fall Orton’s way. What is interesting is the latest WWE news that Orton just needs to say three little words to get out of any angle, job or tattoo touch-up on a pole match.

According to F4WOnline.com, “when Randy Orton is given something to do creatively that he doesn’t feel is right for his character, his politely turns the idea down by telling creative to ‘ask Triple H’ which means ‘no.'”

I do that same thing to my kids except substitute Triple H with Mom. Ask mom usually means “fuck no” but I don’t have the heart to tell the kids that so I’ll let her be the bad guy. He’s letting his work husband be the bad guy. It’s brilliant.

CM Punk Breakup With WWE Going From Bad To Nuclear

CM Punk and the WWE are that couple that you just wish would start fucking other people. Don’t forget, other people have tried. Every day the break-up gets worse and worse but you KNOW how this ends. They’re going to get back together.

According to PWInsider.com, “a WWE source was asked about reports of CM Punk signs being confiscated at Raw this week, and the source noted relations between Punk and WWE are not going good. It was also said going forward WWE will likely be going out of its way to make sure people are not bringing attention to the fact that CM Punk is no longer with the company.”

Dear WWE, the more you resist, the more fans will bring signs, chant his name, and turn him into an even bigger cult hero and NOW I GET IT! I figured out what you’re doing here, you silly sons of bitches. You’re bringing us all to the point of climax, pulling back, then GUSSHHHHHH Cult Of Personality hits and even people who hate Punk (there are plenty) will celebrate because it’s not another 3-on-2 handicapped match or Hoda and Kathie Lee.

MAJOR SPOILER (for like one person) But Brock Lesnar And John Cena Are Going To Wrestle Again Soon

Brock Lesnar and John Cena are going to dance again real soon. Probably at the Royal Rumble. This should only surprise people under four foot, and no not midgets, kids. And possibly a couple midgets.

This means Cena walks out the winner this Sunday at Hell In A Cell which should come as LESS of a shock. Oh, man, midget Hell In A Cell would get my $9.99 like yesterday.

In other John Cena news, according to a report by Variety, Cena’s signed a development deal with Leftfield Pictures to develop unscripted reality TV shows. According to Cena, the first concept revolves “mostly around unknown individuals from all walks of life with compelling stories to tell.” Jesus, he’s got the Hollywood speak down already. So basically the show will feature many different people. Got it. Well, wrap up the Emmy.

WWE Adds Domestic Abuse To Talent Wellness Program

A little shocked it took this long but WWE finally addressed domestic abuse in the company. Nothing has happened, thank god, but they want to nip it in the bud before it happens. Basically, if it happens you’re suspended pending a review and then immediate terminated if the allegations are true. It’s amazing the WWE gets it right the first time and the NFL still can’t figure it all out. I commented on the whole thing over here.

Former WWE Tag Champions Might Soon Be Back In The Company

The Dudley Boys might soon be back in the WWE tag team mix. Both Bubba Ray (see Bully Ray) and Devon are done with TNA.

I discussed my feelings about Bubba Ray making the jump back to WWE a couple weeks ago. I’m still all for it. Devon is an added bonus. I just hope they work as heels to the Dust Brothers who can finally work as straight faces. I also wish the Wyatt Family wasn’t breaking up because Rowan and Harper against Team 3D would be a solid feud. Until they wrestled for eighty straight Raws.

Mick Foley Is Releasing A Christmas Album So Back Fucking Down Perry Como

The king of hardcore and lover of all things Christmas, Mick Foley, is working on a Christmas album with Shooter Jennings titled Crazy Christmas. It will be a real Socko stuffer this year. WACKY HORN!

Got more WWE rumors, photos or something I’ve got to see? Leave it in the comments or reach out on Twitter @chrisilluminati or email me at chris.illuminati [@] wovendigital.com.