Nick Offerman Wants You To Have More Sex Because Millennials Aren’t Porking Enough
Millennials aren’t having enough sex. Is this a problem? Well, if you’re not having enough sex then you’re damn right it’s a problem for you.
Things are rough out there. Nobody is having sex on Mondays. Instead of researching the ideal number of times to have sex per hour researchers are out there figuring out how long men and women can endure dry spells and the ages at which women are most likely to cheat.
Nick Offerman cares about your manhood. Kumail Nanjiani wants you to get blowjobs. In fact, Kumail’s priorities are something we should all fall in life with. ‘Blowjob, Handjob, and CEO’ are the best jobs in the world, ranked from 1 to 3. Michael Che and Colin Jost also want you to have more sex. They say put down the apps/phones and get to laying some pipe.
Megan Mullaly says it best: try and get out there and grab some poontang because it really is a beautiful thing. She’s right. It is. And we should all be having more sex.
Now, in order to have more sex, you’ll need to put yourself out there in the world. You can start by sharing this article and letting all your Facebook friends know where your head’s at. Let those ladies on your timeline know that your head is in the game and you’re ready to become mayor of Pound Town. After that, you’ll actually need to go out there in the world and lay some pipe like a plumber. That, I cannot help you with.
(h/t GQ YouTube)