JJ Watt’s New Girlfriend Is A Hot Professional Soccer Player And Teammate Brian Cushing’s Sister-In-Law

Guys, remember when Lindsay Pelas was thirsting for J.J. Watt last year and urged him to slide into her DMs? And then a month of radio silence goes by and she said “he lost his shot.” I wanted to fucking strangle him for that. Like I was upset in a way that a 28-year-old adult with zero ties to either of them had no right being. But come on dude. If not for you, do it for the rest of us.

Anyway, that was last year, and in his defense JJ was still dating that 1,000 pound tire that he just loved letting us know he trained with. But he won’t be doing any training for a while, as he played just three games before having season ending back surgery. Shitty news for one of the best in the game, but luckily he will have quite the lady nurse him back to health.

Watt is dating 24-year-old Houston Dash forward Kealia Ohai. Ohai is the sister-in-law of Watt’s fellow defensive brother Brian Cushing, according to COED. Back in 2012, she helped the University of North Carolina win a National Championship and scored the game-winning goal against Germany in the 2012 FIFA U-20 World Cup, the only goal Germany let up all tournament.

If they decide to have a child, I’m going to be lurking in the waiting room ready to sign that infant to my sports agency. If that kid is anything less than the biggest freak in the 2035 NFL Draft, I may write off genetics as science forever.

Check out Kealia Ohai, and keep in mind she is and always has been a better athlete than you.



Solid choice, JJ. But how the fuck you let Pelas slip through the fingers?? HOW.

[h/t COED]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.