Cole Beasley Promises To ‘Exhaust All Options Before Retiring’ In Quarantine Tweet Firestorm

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Before today, Cole Beasley hadn’t tweeted since August 6th, nearly three weeks.

At the time of this writing (Thursday at noonish), the Bills receiver has shot off 18 tweets, most within the span of two hours.

I think this is what the kids call ‘waking up and choosing violence.’

Beasley, who must be extra spiced up after being sent home to quarantine for five days despite testing negative for the virus (and being in contact with a vaccinated trainer who tested positive), initially came to the defense of teammate Isaiah McKenzie after the receiver was fined $14,650 for failing to wear a mask inside team facilities.

Let’s start off with a friendly exchange with Stefon Diggs about the absurdity of the fine and a touch of gun violence.


Beasley then revealed he too was fined for an innocuous mask infraction.


We then are allowed spectator access to the Battle of the Blue Checkmarks. Beasley spars with Bleacher Report’s Tyler Conway, whose online confidence allows him to accuse Beasley of being uneducated and afraid of needles.

The two are showing no signs of finding common ground after Beasley questions the validity of a recent Newsweek article that purports ICUs in six states are over 90 percent full as the Delta variant surges.

Tyler then evidently goes a bit too far with a meme from the animated educational television series Arthur.

Beasley points out that the NFL has had more outbreaks in the first two weeks of camp than Week 3 of last regular season.

Has anyone tried telling Cole Beasley they love him and care about him? Oh wait, this is the internet. Sharpen your arrows.

Cole Beasley refuses to die from the vaccine, he has committed to perishing right here on this hill.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.