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You’re probably not even aware of it, but there’s currently a massive crime wave sweeping across the world that threatens to shake the planet to its very core.
It’s happening in plain sight but it seems like no one is willing to acknowledge it, which is why I want to take a moment today to raise awareness of an issue that’s flown under the radar for far too long: culinary crime.
We’ve tried to warn you.
In the past year alone, the nation has been subjected to unholy creations like a pizza made with mustard instead of tomato sauce.
There was the lunatic who got caught dipping a chicken finger into soda.
I thought I’d never see a food crime worse than ketchup ice cream.
Unfortunately, I was proven very, very wrong when someone decided to do the same thing with mayo.
Now, one notorious food felon has burst back onto the scene: Dale Earnhardt Jr.
A couple of years ago, the NASCAR driver made everyone puke in their mouth a little bit after introducing the world to a banana and mayo sandwich.
What an absolute madman.
Now, Earnhardt has announced he’s traded off that monstrosity for a new one.
According to For The Win, the driver recently used his podcast to let the world know he’s moved onto another incredibly questionable sandwich:
You put mayonnaise on one side, put the Doritos in there because if they do break into small pieces, they’ll stick to the mayonnaise. All right? and then you put the meat, and then you put large pickles sliced long ways — not pickle chips, long sliced pickles and, deal.
I consider myself a pretty open-minded guy, and as much as I’d love to make this and let you know how it is, there are certain lines I just won’t cross.
This is one of them.