With the holiday season coming to an end, let’s take a look back at the strangest Christmas stories of 2015.
The season got off to a festive start with these ugly Christmas suits. I’m not sure if this is an improvement on the ugly sweater trend or a step back in progress and a sign that the ugly Christmas clothing trend has not yet reached its saturation point. On a related note, chicks dig the suits because this guy changed all his Tinder pics to photos of himself wearing a Xmas suit and he got over 1600 matches IN A WEEK. Imagine how much Canadian ass he’d pull with the Jose Batista bat flip sweater?
Even our own Matt Keohan got into the spirit by changing all his Bumble pics to photos in Christmas attire. We haven’t seen him since.
People got upset about Reese’s Peanut Butter trees looking like little pieces of shit. As long as they don’t taste like little pieces of shit, what’s the big deal? Why MUST your candy be shaped in anything? It’s fucking candy. As long as it’s small enough to fit into my mouth, it could look like a dick for all I care. Mmmmmm Reese’s Penis Butter Cups.
After eating your way in Christmas candy shaped like dongs, get some exercise. This guy ran a half marathon dressed as Ralphie from A Christmas Story. Or just celebrate like an athlete by buying yourself a baby tiger. If you already are a professional athlete, you could ask for the gift of new teeth from fans.
The annual tradition of sending out Christmas cards got even odder this year with these possibly offensive cards. Probably not as offensive as this dad calling his daughter and wife “bitches” and “hos” on the family card. Those don’t bother me as much as people who turn their house into a laser light show or spend $1800 on a Christmas Brussel sprout. Fuck those people. And these people, enough with the Star Wars shit.
These guys turned 428 empty kegs into one giant Christmas tree while these guys fashioned Christmas lights into one giant glowing dick. It’s like the 2015 version of the star of Bethlehem.
“How will we know we’ve reached baby Jesus?”
“We head towards the massive illuminated penis.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
“You’re going to love Williamsburg. With our long beards and awful hygiene, we’ll fit right in.”
If you’re still looking for a last minute gift, Pornhub has an idea that just keeps on giving the whole year. If you’re not buying gifts this year because you hate your family, let them know you don’t care what the hell they think of you, just like this guy did. If you’re going to build a gift last minute, go all in like this bro.
In the world of Christmas music, the big winners were these hot chicks singing Christmas carols while on a vibrator, the radio DJ who locked himself in a studio and just kept playing Wham over and over, these goats, and a remake that turned a holiday tune into the most stalkerish song of all time.
And let’s not forget the time honored tradition of making children sit on the lap of a creepy stranger who smells like salted ham and Alize.
And last but not least, celebrate the season by saying “fuck you” to those assholes overseas. God Bless America.
Happy Holidays to you and your family! Both real and fake.