Artie Lange has served his time and gone through rehab following his drug arrest in 2017. Lange was released two weeks ago and looks better than ever, minus his nose. Artie is getting back into the comedy scene and doing what he does best: telling hilarious stories about his tumultuous past.
The uproarious stand-up comedian appeared on the Legion of Skanks podcast this week and told some insane stories. The former Howard Stern Show sidekick talked about going to jail, rehab, tales of scoring drugs, his own brand of heroin, his deformed nose, his upcoming rap song, and his new upcoming podcast.
Artie Lange made his triumphant return with an entertaining appearance on the comedy podcast Legion of Skanks that is hosted by fellow comedians Luis J. Gomez, Big Jay Oakerson, and Dave Smith. Lange started the show by talking about his latest time in jail and his motivation to get sober.
Artie Lange said he spent “two months in county jail, three months at a f*cking halfway house and three months in rehab in Paterson, New Jersey.” Lange was in solitary confinement 23 hours a day because he was in protective custody.
“I’m back from f*cking Hell,” Lange said of his time in jail and getting sober. “I survived another one. I got a lot of lives.”
“I can’t do anything, I got eight months clean and sober.” This latest sober period is the most extended amount of time that Artie Lange hasn’t done drugs since he was 15-years-old.
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Artie talked about his probation rules and how he stays away from falling off the wagon. “I can’t take a Benadryl. I went from doing a truckload of heroin and blow every week to not being able to do Robitussin,” Lange said.
Lange talked about working jobs as part of his rehabilitation program. “I had to work two months at a garbage company, taking complaints and throwing garbage, it was all mafia guys,” Lange said. “Then I pumped gas for awhile. I got Stern fans stopping by just to call me a loser while I’m pumping gas. ‘Artie, big fan, can I have a picture and fill it up with regular.”
“People ask me stupid questions like, ‘What happened to your nose?’ I’m like, ‘Too much yoga,'” Lange joked. “I stopped to sniff the roses in life, and they had cocaine on them.'” Lange said he “used to cop dope in Paterson, I used to get Christmas cards from drug dealers, that’s how much money I spent.”
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Artie told the story of how he snorted glass once, you can read the entire story HERE.
Lange poked fun of his now-famous deformed nose. “I couldn’t have looked much f*cking worse, I mean I was near death,” Artie told the Legion of Skanks. “I look sorta human again. I gotta get the nose fixed eventually. I need rhinoplasty.”
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“The sh*t I was doing, that I survived, I don’t know how I did it, there were some bad people,” Artie said. Jay Oakerson asked who was enabling his drug addiction, and Artie wittily replied, “Anybody who likes money.”
Lange said he was buying kilos of cocaine every month. “At one point my net worth $14 million, about 10 years ago,” Lange said. “I went through $12 million bucks. For a while, gambling was my worst vice because it led to everything else.”
Lange told the LOS about the craziest thing that he did to get heroin. “This is the worst thing that ever happened. I’m in Cleveland, doing a sold-out show at a theater.” A 21-year-old kid took Artie to a drug dealer in Akron, and it took four hours to get there because they were driving in an ’82 Fiat.
The driver “had no idea” who Artie was. “When you buy heroin on the bags of dope, there are names of famous junkies sometimes. They’ll put like ‘Keith Richards’ sometimes.” The kid had two types of heroin: ‘Bobby Brown’ and ‘Artie Lange.’ I had a brand of heroin. The f*cked up thing was at the gig in Cleveland on the marquee my name was spelled wrong and on heroin, it was spelled perfectly.”
“I’m freaking out because my name is on f*cking poison. The kid was all impressed by it and thought it was the coolest thing ever. Was like, ‘You’ve achieved so much, man.’ What do you want me to put it on my refrigerator?”
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Artie told another insane story about putting his life in danger just to score drugs. “I went to a Klan meeting in Indiana” to get drugs. After performing his stand-up at a casino in Hammond, Indiana, a man offered Artie crystal meth with opiates in it. “I needed dope. This guy with a shaved head said, ‘I can get you dope. Come over to my place, we’re all big fans.'” Artie arrives at the home. “I look around, I’m at a KKK meeting,” Lange revealed. “I got involved with bad people, you lose your soul.”
“Once you get heroin in the game and dope sickness comes in, withdrawal changes everything,” Lange explained. “It’s like not having oxygen, you gotta get it somehow. I’d land in a city and go to the worst part of St. Louis or Pittsburg.”
Lange said he first did drugs in 1979 when “Jimmy Carter was President.” “I was 11-years-old, a kid handed me a joint and I smoked it. And I f*cking loved it. First time I did coke, I was 15.”
Artie told his fellow stand-up comedians that the key for him to get sober was that if he didn’t, he was facing five years federal prison sentence with a two-year chance of parole. Lange said he’s been to county jail plenty of times for as long as three-and-a-half months but never has been in federal prison. The punishment of federal prison scared Artie to get straight and sober.
“The guards were very nice to me, I went to high school with two of the guards,” Artie said of the county jail he was in this past year.
Lange said he stayed away from women after getting out of jail because all of the women he knows are on drugs, so he’s afraid to get in trouble. “I don’t want to talk to anyone,” Lange said.
“I got involved in a lot of bad sh*t, I grew up in North Jersey. I got involved in a car theft ring.”
Artie talked about Howard Stern. “Howard was very nice in the press, I’m actually calling him next week, I’m hoping to have dinner with him.” Lange added, “I was a full-blown junkie on the biggest radio show ever, I was passing out.” Baby Gorilla says he wants to make amends with Howard.
Artie told a story about doing a comedy show for the troops in Afghanistan. Artie was with fellow Howard Stern Show star Gary “Baba Booey” Dell’Abate, comedians Dave Attell, Nick DiPaolo, and Jim Florentine. After a comedy show, the U.S. military base was under a mortar attack and had to hide in a bunker.
Artie commented on the Shane Gillis controversy and didn’t believe that the young comic should have been kicked off of Saturday Night Live.
Artie revealed that while he was locked up, he wrote a rap song titled You On Some Bullsh*t. Artie also announced that he has a new podcast coming out in about a month titled Artie Lange’s Halfway House. Artie is also starting to do live stand-up again, here are some upcoming dates.
You can read more Artie Lange news HERE.
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